Category: Caregiving

Jason Shott knows the importance of crafting a care plan for aging family members – and the challenges that accompany the process.

As Regional Vice President of Atria Senior Living, he helps families navigate the tough conversations and difficult decisions that arise when planning for future care. He currently sits on the board of the Alzheimer’s Association^® Connecticut Chapter, where he helps raise awareness for families dealing with dementia. And his personal experiences with his own parents have given him firsthand insight into the importance of creating a comprehensive care plan as early as possible.

Here are his thoughts on what to look for in assisted living, how to talk to family members about the future and how making a care plan benefits older adults – and their families.

Why is long-term care planning important?

Shott: Having a long-term care plan can make all the difference in a person’s health and quality of life. At some point, you might have to make some difficult decisions about things like assisted living or memory care, and the more you’ve worked out a game plan beforehand, the better informed your decisions will be. Some people don’t understand how moving to an assisted living community can really benefit them. It can be a great, highly engaging new chapter.

What you really don’t want is to have to make decisions in an emergency situation, where you don’t have the time to talk things through with your family members and figure out your best options. More planning generally leads to better outcomes.

Can you say a little more about how a good plan – or the lack of one – can impact future care?

Shott: My experiences with my own parents taught me what a difference having a plan can make, because we ended up having two very different outcomes.

As a family, we didn’t really communicate about health care or what to do when we age. Then my mom got older and her health deteriorated, but she didn’t want to talk about the possibility of assisted living and fought against the idea tooth and nail. She didn’t really have a clear concept of what assisted living was. Her mindset was that it was a place where people are sick or infirm, and my father and I didn’t really know how to have the conversation with her.

Eventually she mismanaged her medication and suffered a stroke, and suddenly we had to make decisions quickly. We didn’t have time for conversations or to research all our options. And, unfortunately, she picked up an infection in the hospital and passed away.

Did that experience change how you and your father approached planning for his future care?

Shott: It did. After the experience we had with my mom, my dad was more open to talking about future care options. He decided to move to an assisted living community, and it changed his life. My daughter and I would go visit, and he was more engaged than he’d been in years. He went to happy hour every day and socialized. He started going to church services again. It was really special to see him rejuvenated like that after years of not living his life to its fullest. He ended up living in assisted living for seven years, and it was such a beautiful experience for him.

One of the things that he said to me was that if he had known what assisted living could be like, he would have tried to convince my mom to make the move years ago. And it broke my heart because my mom could have had an incredible next stage of her life. If we’d known the importance of long-term care planning, it would have been a game changer for all of us. It was for my dad. I wish it was for my mom.

When should families start having a conversation about making a care plan?

Shott: It’s never too soon to start those conversations. I’m in my late 40s and, with all of the knowledge and expertise I have now, I’m already talking with my wife, my kids and my sibling about what I want my quality of life to look like as I age. As we get older, these conversations can be uncomfortable. A lot of people have a fear of facing their own mortality. But aging is a part of life, so it’s better to address it than avoid it.

For older adults, their quality of life can really be improved if they have a strong game plan regarding what they want to do as they get older. And those conversations should start immediately for everyone because we all have family members who are aging. You want to navigate these discussions carefully and sensitively. You never want someone to feel pressured to make a decision they don’t want to make. But these conversations are essential to making a plan, and the sooner you have a plan, the easier things will be going forward.

What should people look for in a senior living community?

Shott: I would start by looking at the quality of their care offerings. You want to know that if there’s a change in your health or you begin to slow down a little bit, the place has a quality care program that can adjust to your needs. This is also where something like memory care would enter the conversation. What health changes do you anticipate and what kind of community best suits your needs?

You also want an environment where your family member will be happy and comfortable. So look for a place that offers events and activities they’ll enjoy, a welcoming atmosphere, a quality culinary program, trained staff members that genuinely care about the job they’re doing – all those things are important.

Then you can look at the community’s reputation, whether it’s Google reviews or asking senior advisers their opinion of these places. What’s their reputation? Is there brand recognition? Is it a place that people stand behind?

Overall, you want a community that makes their residents the top priority. You want to make sure that you choose a reputable community that emphasizes and focuses on quality in all aspects of life for its residents. This can really make all the difference in your family member’s experience moving to assisted living.

Atria is proud to announce that three of its communities have received this year’s Best in Senior Living award from Assisted Living Magazine.

Assisted Living Magazine conducts thorough research to recommend the top senior living providers and help families find the right fit for senior living.

What sets Atria apart?

Atria’s internal Quality Enhancement program helps ensure things are done the right way, every time. From staff greetings and landscaping to care services and dining, no detail escapes the rigorous auditing process.

Here’s what some Atria families have to say:

“I know what it’s like to have a loved one move to a community that doesn’t follow through with what was represented to the family during the search process. There simply are no words to express our gratitude for the care my husband and our family are receiving from the staff at Atria Westchase.” – resident spouse

“Atria Rye Brook is a wonderful place with great apartments and amenities. The staff is very friendly, and residents are made to feel totally comfortable and respected. The dining room is fabulous, and the food is of high quality and pleasantly presented.” – Maria, resident family member

The following Atria communities received this year’s Best in Senior Living award.

Atria Rye Brook, in Rye Brook, New York

Atria West 86, in Manhattan

Atria Westchase, in Houston

Caring for aging parents can be stressful, demanding and exhausting, especially as you become more responsible for their well-being. This is particularly true when a caregiver takes on most of these duties with little or no support from siblings or other family members.

Fortunately, there are many government programs for the elderly to help ease the challenges of caring for your parent.

Determining what benefits and programs your family member qualifies for – and which of those will be most helpful for their situation – can seem like a daunting task. With so many resources spread out across so many government agencies and websites, it can be hard to know where to begin.

To make it easier to find and navigate these resources, we’ve made a list of some of the most helpful government programs and benefits for older adults and their caregivers.

Getting started

The following websites are all great resources for caregivers of elderly parents. They cover a range of general benefits as well as links to programs that offer assistance on topics like transportation, health care, financial support, legal services and more.

• Benefits.gov has a helpful, user-friendly BenefitsCheckUp tool that connects you to a comprehensive range of federal, state and local senior assistance programs across different government agencies. This lets you use one website to search for the specific resources you’re looking for across all levels of government.
• Eldercare Locator is another great resource that connects you to everything from local senior transportation programs and caregiver support to legal services and health programs.

Transportation programs

Eldercare Locator connects seniors to local transportation options based on their ZIP code. They also have information on senior transportation services like Rides in Sight and the National Aging and Disability Transportation Center (NADTC).

Most states, counties, cities and towns provide a number of government-run or volunteer transportation services for older adults. Visit your state’s official website to see what programs are available nearby.

Medical and health programs

Health care needs increase as people get older, with seniors requiring more preventive screenings, more visits to medical specialists, and treatments for chronic conditions such as diabetes and heart disease. These programs can help you make informed decisions about your parent’s medical care while also alleviating the costs of their treatments and medications.

• Healthfinder.gov provides information on many preventive health services for older adults, such as screenings and vaccines.
• Medicare helps adults 65 and older cover medical expenses like doctors’ visits, hospital stays and prescription drugs. Find out if your parent is eligible at Medicare.gov.

Financial support

For older adults, Social Security is often a primary or secondary source of income. But seniors may be eligible for more or better benefits than they’re currently receiving. The Benefit Eligibility Screening Tool (BEST) can help you determine which benefits your parent is eligible for.

Legal services

The Administration for Community Living (ACL) provides information on legal assistance programs for older adults, helping them understand and exercise their rights. Legal assistance providers can deploy a wide range of civil legal remedies against elder abuse, neglect and financial exploitation.

Programs for veterans

Veterans and their family members have access to special programs.

• The Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) provides numerous resources regarding health care, disability benefits and pension information for eligible senior veterans.
• The VA Caregiver Support Program (CSP) offers caregivers of eligible veterans clinical services like skills training and peer support mentorships as well as legal and financial planning services.
• The VA Caregiver Support Line (CSL) connects caregivers to professional therapists and social workers who can provide counseling.

Support groups for caregivers

Taking care of an aging parent can take a heavy emotional toll. Resentment, frustration and fatigue are all common feelings you may experience. Caregiver support groups provide a place for you to discuss what you’ve been going through with people who can relate to your challenges.

Check your state’s official website to see what options are available. There are many different options that are specific to caregivers’ experiences and life situations, such as groups for caregivers of parents with dementia and groups for people balancing caregiving duties with a full-time job.

You’re not in this alone

Government resources can make caring for aging parents more manageable and less stressful. By understanding the kinds of assistance your parent needs – and researching and applying for relevant programs and benefits – you can make sure your parent receives the best care available to them while also relieving you of some of the burden.

You may not have picked up on it right away, but your parent has shown signs of getting older. Everyday tasks are becoming a challenge. Their memory isn’t as sharp as it used to be, and keeping up with the house is too difficult. You realize something needs to change – and that you can’t do it all on your own.

Planning for long-term care for your parent can feel overwhelming. But creating a plan gives everyone an opportunity to express their concerns and preferences before an incident forces an outcome, giving you – and your parent – a greater sense of control.

In this long-term care planning guide, we’ll walk you through the process and provide helpful info and resources.

View the Long-Term Care Planning Checklist

1. Determine what level of care your parent needs

Once you recognize it’s time for a change, the next step is to assess what living option and level of care your parent needs. Talk to their doctor about their current health, including medical conditions, medications and any assistance they need with daily living.

In addition to physical needs, consider your parent’s emotional and cognitive health and contributing factors. Are new limitations causing frustration? Are mobility issues keeping them from participating in favorite activities or getting out to see friends? Take your time and be thorough – this evaluation will serve as the foundation for your long-term care plan.

2. Know your role

You may feel guilt or a sense of obligation to provide assistance for your aging parent – and you wouldn’t be alone. According to a study by the Pew Research Center, a majority of Americans believe adult children have a responsibility for managing the long-term care of their older parents.

Caregiving is a significant responsibility, and it’s normal to feel stressed. Being honest with yourself about your capabilities, time and support network will help identify where you – and your parent – could use assistance.

3. Talk with your parent

Have an open, honest conversation with your parent about their preferences. Get their thoughts on aging in their current home, assisted living and other care options. Respect their autonomy and involve them in the decision-making process as much as possible.

Planning care can be uncomfortable to talk about, but the sooner you discuss what the future could look like, the better it will be. If you wait until decisions are imminent, stress and urgency can make the situation more difficult. You need enough time to research all of your options, and waiting too long to speak with your parent can limit your options.

4. Determine what you need from your parent’s care plan

You have your own life and responsibilities, whether it’s a full-time career, taking care of children of your own – or both. Knowing your tolerance levels for your parent’s situation can be a critical factor when creating a plan.

The mental load of caregiving can be as overwhelming as the physical load. Many times, it can even affect your physical health over time. AARP found that with the complexities of caring for senior parents, caregivers’ health may suffer as a result.

Recognize the importance of taking care of yourself as a caregiver. Make time to relax with friends or seek the empathy of a support group or professional advice of a therapist to help manage stress and burnout. And when you need a break, consider a short-term stay at a senior living community for your parent.

5. Explore all the options for long-term care

From hiring or arranging in-home care to a memory care community offering around-the-clock support, there are a lot of options to choose from.

Your parent’s physical abilities will have a lot to do with finding the best fit, so ask yourself these care-related questions about your parent’s needs:

• Can they complete personal hygiene tasks such as bathing, brushing their teeth and shaving?
• Can they safely get in and out of bed, chairs, the shower/bathtub and vehicles?
• Are they able to take the proper dosage of medications at the correct time?
• Can they get dressed without assistance?
• Are they able to use the bathroom on their own and without any issues?

If you answer no to any of these questions, your parent likely needs services offered by senior assisted living communities. Even if they don’t need the support of community living today, thinking about how their care needs may change over time is another important factor in the decision.

No matter what level of care your parent needs, each option is going to require its own research. If you’re considering senior living, for instance, visit multiple communities to find one that offers the support your parent needs and an environment where they can thrive.

6. Know the difference between independent and assisted living

Independent living

Generally speaking, independent living residents don’t need help with daily tasks like eating, getting dressed or taking a shower. Independent senior living communities provide an active lifestyle without the responsibilities of cooking, cleaning and maintaining the home. Minimal third-party care services may be available if needed.

Assisted living

Assisted living residents enjoy the same active lifestyle offered by independent living communities, with care services available as needed. Assisted living residents may have care needs – such as assistance with grooming or medication – cognitive issues or mobility problems, but they do not need round-the-clock medical care.

If you’re considering senior living, plan visits to different communities. Talk to staff and residents to gain a better understanding of what each community offers.

7. Research costs

No matter which option is best for your parent, it’s important to assess their financial situation before making a decision. Explore potential funding sources, including savings, insurance and government programs like Medicare. The National Council on Aging has a helpful BenefitsCheckUp® tool, and consulting with a financial advisor can help you understand the available options.

Many people sell their homes to help pay for long-term care. Using the money from a home sale can cover the cost of moving to a smaller house or senior living community.

Consider working with a real estate agent or Seniors Real Estate Specialist® (SRES). An SRES has all the same qualifications as a real estate agent, but they specialize in helping older adults sell their homes. They can even put you in touch with the best senior relocation services or moving companies in your area. Find an SRES near you here.

8. Help your parent with the transition

Moving to a senior living community is a big decision. You likely won’t determine if it’s the best choice for your parent after one or even two conversations.

If you decide a senior living community is the best fit for your family, there are many ways to help ease the transition.

Here are some things to keep in mind before making the move.

Your parent’s emotional needs

The transition can be challenging for your parent’s emotions. Offer support and reassurance throughout the process. Encourage them to bring cherished belongings to make their new apartment feel like home.

Downsizing and packing

Organize items to be sold, donated or given to family members. This process can be emotionally taxing, so be patient and compassionate.

Stay connected and informed

Regular visits and phone calls not only help, but they also show your continued love and support. Stay informed about the care and services your parent is receiving. Attend any meetings or discussions that involve care, and speak with staff to stay updated on your parent’s health and well-being.

Be flexible

Be open to adjustments in the care plan should your parent’s needs change. Flexibility is key to ensuring the best possible outcome.

9. Understand your parent’s legal affairs and estate plan

Ensure your parent’s legal affairs are in order. This includes having a will, power of attorney and healthcare proxy. Consult with an attorney who specializes in elder law to answer any questions and help with any legal documents.

You’re ready to create a long-term care plan

Now that you’re prepared, it’s time to create a plan that works for your family.

Your love and dedication as a caregiver make a world of difference in your parent’s life. By taking the time to plan and adjust, you can make the process as rewarding as it is challenging.

Caring for a parent or older family member is a balancing act: You want to be able to provide the level of attentive care they need, but you also need to take care of yourself.

The complex emotional nature of caregiving can make it hard to recognize the toll it takes on your personal health and well-being. Spending too much time attending to your family member’s needs without attending to your own can lead to a condition called caregiver burnout – which isn’t healthy for you or your family member.

What is caregiver burnout?

Caregiver burnout, also known as caregiver exhaustion, is what happens when you put so much time and energy into taking care of someone else that you’re too exhausted to take care of your own needs.

What are symptoms of caregiver burnout?

Among the most common symptoms are fatigue, depression and losing interest in hobbies and other things that bring you joy. Other signs of caregiver burnout include anxiety, insomnia, irritability, chronic headaches, and body aches and pains.

Feelings of guilt and resentment toward your family member – and alternately feeling that you’re doing too much and not enough – are also common.

The good news is there are plenty of ways to alleviate caregiver burnout.

Build a support system

Reach out to family and friends to discuss what you’re going through. Sometimes simply sharing your feelings and experiences can make you feel less isolated. And if the people around you understand the challenges you’re facing, they may offer to help with your caregiving duties.

In some cases, you may need more support than family and friends can provide. If you feel like you may be experiencing caregiver depression, consult your doctor or seek out a professional therapist or a counseling support group. Having thoughtful listeners who empathize with your situation can help you manage your emotions.

Try a short-term stay at an assisted living community

An invaluable option for caregivers and their families, a short-term stay at an assisted living community can provide temporary relief from caregiving duties. Your family member will receive the support they need from professional caregivers, allowing you to take a well-deserved break – whether it’s a vacation, some time with family and friends, or simply relaxing at home without caregiving responsibilities.

Short-term stays also offer a number of benefits for seniors. They’ll be able to enjoy all of the community’s amenities and events while also having plenty of opportunities for social engagement.

Prioritize self-care

Make sure you’re proactively taking care of your physical and mental health. This includes getting enough sleep, eating well, staying active, engaging in activities you enjoy, and spending time with family and friends.

It’s also important to take regular breaks throughout the day. Even a brief pause from caregiver duties can make a difference. Stepping outside for fresh air, listening to calming music, and doing some relaxation exercises are all good ways to take a quick break.

Organize your time

Effective time management is essential when attempting to balance caregiver duties with your own well-being. Create a caregiving schedule that lets you dedicate time to your needs as well as those of the person you’re caring for. This is especially important for caregivers with busy careers or young children who also require their time and attention. Planning out your calendar in advance can make it easier to manage all your responsibilities.

If you can arrange for help from friends and family, this can take some of the pressure off you. For example, maybe a spouse or a sibling can lend a hand so you have time to run errands, see friends or go to the gym.

Know your limits and plan for the future

At some point, the level of care your family member needs may become more than you’re able to provide. Changing health conditions, such as the onset of dementia or the decline of physical mobility, can require professional care.

It’s important to recognize when it’s time to consider assisted living or memory care as the right caregiving option for your family. These transitions can be difficult but may ultimately be the best course of action for your family member’s well-being.

Self-care is not selfish

Caring for others involves a complicated set of emotions, so it’s common for caregivers to feel guilty about taking breaks. You might feel like you’re abandoning your family member by focusing on your needs, but you need to be in good mental, emotional and physical health to provide quality care.

In the long run, taking better care of yourself is vital to preventing caregiver burnout.

Recognize when you need a break

Caregiver burnout is a common and normal phenomenon for anyone providing care for a family member. It’s important to be aware of the toll caregiving can take on your own health so that you can take the right steps to recharge and recover.

Check in with yourself on a regular basis to see if it might be time for you to take a break or seek help from others. Be honest with yourself about what kind of relief or assistance you need. The better you take care of yourself, the better you’ll be able to take care of your family member.

Family, traditions, favorite dishes and good cheer. These can all be harder to enjoy when you’re also caring for someone with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia during the holidays.

In addition to the burnout that can accompany providing care year-round, caregivers may experience heightened frustration with family members who don’t appear to be offering a helping hand when they’re in town, or don’t show appreciation for a caregiver’s efforts. It can also be hard for caregivers to participate in their own holiday traditions – from preparing meals to hosting gatherings – resulting in feelings of anger over missed opportunities or guilt.

From reducing your workload to preparing your parent or spouse for a shift from routine, these six tips will help you manage the stress that comes with providing dementia holiday care – making it a merrier time for you, the person you care for and those you celebrate with.

1. It’s okay to say no

Even if you’ve always hosted the family get-together or lovingly prepared a classic dish, if you have new caregiver responsibilities, this year may be different.

The first step to avoid feeling overwhelmed when caregiving during the holidays is to be realistic with yourself about your capacity. The second step is to let other people know.

Tell friends and family about your limited availability and energy level so other arrangements can be made. This doesn’t mean don’t celebrate. In fact, it’s just the opposite. One of the most important reasons to draw boundaries on what you’re able to do is so that you – and the person you care for – can enjoy the events that you do participate in.

2. Communicate

It can be hard to talk about a parent or spouse’s cognitive decline. However, for caregivers who frequently experience burnout, communicating about the realities of the situation is critical for managing stress.

Many people don’t know how to interact with someone experiencing cognitive decline. Reaching out with a little information in advance of a festive gathering can help everyone feel more comfortable. The National Institute on Aging offers a few tips for what information to share.

• First, let people know about any new limitations and encourage them not to correct the person with dementia if they misremember a name or event.
• Offer tips for gentle ways to introduce oneself – including adding context about how they know the person you’re caring for.
• Remind them that talking loudly, getting too close or being patronizing could be aggravating.
• Finally, suggest fun, ability-appropriate activities that everyone can participate in together.

If the diagnosis is new, consider including an article or links to resources about Alzheimer’s and how it affects memory. Though it can be uncomfortable to share a diagnosis, your friends and family will likely appreciate the information and feel more confident in their interactions because you provided them with a better understanding of the situation. It may also help them develop greater empathy for your role as a caregiver.

3. Continue to celebrate together

Making time to celebrate the season can provide caregivers with a feeling of connection and support that isn’t always present the rest of the year – and it can be beneficial for the person they care for. According to the National Institute on Aging, familiar events and traditions tap into long-term memory and can be reassuring to people with dementia.

Even when you aren’t gathered with friends and family, take the opportunity to share meaningful moments and activities with the person you care for. This might include flipping through a photo album and listening to their stories or performing holiday preparations together. Accomplishing small tasks offers those with memory impairment a sense of purpose and control. Even if they are no longer able to actively participate, sensory stimulation like listening to familiar songs, enjoying a favorite holiday treat and watching you decorate can help them anticipate the coming events.

4. Adapt traditions

The holidays are often joyful because they offer a departure from normal daily activities and an opportunity to connect with friends and family. However, large groups and changes in routine can be very difficult for those experiencing cognitive decline. When you’re managing dementia and the holidays, making a few small changes can go a long way. While the holidays may not look like they have in the past, traditions can still be honored with thoughtful adaptations.

Here are a few ways to make the holidays go smoothly:

• Help the person you care for prepare in advance. By regularly showing photos and sharing stories about visitors and guests who will be stopping by, these friends and family will feel more familiar when they come to visit.
• Plan activities for when the person living with dementia is at their best. If your family usually gathers for holiday dinner but your spouse or parent is at their best around noon, suggest moving the event to lunch.
• Host celebrations in familiar spaces. While you may not be able to play host, if the person living with dementia is most comfortable at home, invite people over and delegate host tasks to family and friends.
• Designate a quiet space. During the event itself, you can help reduce agitation by making sure there’s a quiet place where your parent or spouse can safely retreat to rest or accept visitors one-on-one. You can also plan in advance to break up the festivities with quieter, routine activities for the person living with dementia, such as a short walk or reading in another room.

Making efforts to ensure the person you’re caring for is comfortable will reduce agitation and improve their mood – making celebrating better for everyone.

5. Ask for help

AARP notes that for some caregivers, the only thing harder than providing constant care is releasing control and accepting help. While it can be tempting to try to take on everything, assistance is key to providing care for the long haul. Fortunately, the holidays provide the perfect time to ask for help – wherever you may need it.

Consider enlisting a family member to take over caregiving duties so you can attend a party with friends. Or if you just need a little help with errands or chores, you can hire a personal assistant or housekeeper for a few hours to help you stay caught up with daily tasks. Your local community or state may also offer resources, like adult daycare, so you can take care of personal matters or enjoy a moment of rest.

Beyond getting help through the holidays, many caregivers will put a home health aide or a short-term senior living stay on their holiday wish list. That way, when the holidays are over, caregivers can still get the help they need.

6. Care for yourself

As previously noted, it can be difficult for many caregivers to care for themselves. Sometimes this is due to feelings of guilt or concerns that no one else can do the job as well as they can. Either way, making sure your needs are met is the only way to ensure you can continue to meet the needs of others.

While caregiving during the holidays, offer yourself the small kindness of simplifying tasks. If your family exchanges gifts, consider purchasing them online, ask a friend to wrap them or simply get gift cards. If you decorate homemade cookies every year, consider getting a mix or a kit. In addition to reducing your load, sometimes you need to take a break from it altogether. Whether it’s the holidays or not, designate time to see friends, hit the gym or get a massage.

It’s also okay to take a vacation. When you’re ready for a reset, consider short-term stay options for the person you care for. Atria Senior Living offers short-term stays in furnished apartments with full-time staff on-site. This provides a healthy, social lifestyle for older adults, as well as respite for their caregivers. Find a community near you to learn more about flexible, short-term stay options.

Caregivers and the holidays

Resentment can spoil even the best celebration. That’s why it’s important to show empathy to yourself and the person you care for during the busy holiday season – and all year long.

Start by identifying your limits and communicating them to others. Setting clear expectations will help everyone adapt. Traditions may also need to be adjusted so the person you care for can participate comfortably. Finally, accept help and take care of yourself. With these holiday tips for caregivers, you’re sure to keep your spirit bright.

When a parent or family member requires care that is beyond your capability to provide, what do you do? Bringing in a professional caregiver for your parent so they can continue living at home may seem like the obvious choice. In this article, we will share the benefits and limitations of home health care. We will also address this question: What are some other options if in-home care might not be right for your mom or dad?

In-home care for aging parents, defined

In-home care is a large, growing, well-established practice that’s designed for people who’d like to continue living in their home but need regular care. Some families hire professional caregivers to provide companionship for their parent when they can’t be there. More typically, the person needs someone to look after them while providing personal care services. If your parent lives with you ­– or you’ve moved into your parent’s house – bringing in a competent, caring home health professional might help your parent while relieving you of caregiver responsibilities.

Does your parent need in-home care?

When you arrange for in-home care services, the provider will perform an assessment based on your parent’s activities of daily living, or ADLs.

Here are the six essential activities of daily living, which may reveal your parent’s ability to look after themselves:

• Ambulating: Ability to move and walk on one’s own
• Personal hygiene: Bathing and other aspects of grooming
• Continence: Controlling bladder and bowel functions
• Dressing: Selecting and putting on clothing
• Feeding: Eating on one’s own
• Toileting: Using the toilet and cleaning oneself

Another key measurement is instrumental activities of daily living, or IADLs.

Here are the six IADL factors that make it possible for someone to live independently:

• Competent management of personal finances
• Obtaining and taking prescription medications as directed
• Communicating successfully using phone and mail
• Shopping for necessities including food and clothing
• Cleaning the house and kitchen
• Ability to prepare meals

Using these assessments will help determine the level of in-home care your parent will need.

Quiz: Does your parent need home care?

In-home care’s pros and cons

Once you have a clear idea of what sort of in-home care your parent requires, it’s time to determine the benefits and drawbacks of these services.

Pros

Living at home
In-home care makes it possible for your parent to continue living safely at home

Personalized care
Your parent is cared for one-on-one – with services customized to fit his or her likes and needs

Caregiver selection
You and your family select and approve the caregiver who will work with your parent

Caregiver familiarity
Mom or Dad becomes acquainted with the caregiver, which may increase their comfort with the arrangement and reduce loneliness and isolation

Customized costs
Costs are based on the services delivered, so you won’t pay for anything your parent doesn’t need

Cons

Accelerating costs
The more care that’s needed, the higher the cost will be; in the U.S., the average cost for round-the-clock in-home care is $2,800 per week (the actual price is driven by a variety of factors, including where you live)

Varied quality
Should your parent require 24/7 care, multiple caregivers may handle tasks, and the quality of care might not be the same between one caregiver and another

Care management
When you hire an in-home caregiver, you and the family become the caregiver’s “management team,” which increases the odds of bringing on the right caregiver by asking the right questions

Home modifications
Even with in-home care, the home may need modifications to make it safe for older adults – this might include everything from grab bars to wheelchair ramps to modifying the width of bathroom doors

Limited services
The in-home care agency may not provide services such as grocery shopping or cleaning the house – and you will still need to manage or outsource home maintenance like cleaning the gutters and shoveling snow

If the pros outnumber the cons, you might be on your way to a great solution for your parent that will keep them right where they want to be – in their own home. However, if any of the downsides above give you pause – or if you discover that the cost will be higher than expected – an assisted living community might make more sense.

What is assisted living, and will it benefit your parent?

Despite the fact that more than 900,000 people live in assisted living communities across the U.S., the general public is often unclear on what assisted living is and how it differs from other senior living options.

“Senior living” is an umbrella term covering 55+ neighborhoods that include apartments, condos or townhomes – along with planned communities where room, board and care are included in a single monthly fee.

Assisted living offers around-the-clock attention for each resident’s personal needs, be it managing their medications or helping them get dressed and bathe. Many assisted living communities have full-time licensed nurses on staff, and some communities have a nurse on-site 24/7.

What if your parent is experiencing cognitive decline?

If your parent has Alzheimer’s or another type of dementia, consider the advantages of a memory care community. Similar to assisted living (in fact, memory care is often offered within assisted living communities), memory care provides security and safety in a private area dedicated to supporting the unique needs of people with cognitive impairment.

How does assisted living differ from nursing homes?

Just to be clear: Assisted living and memory care are not the same as nursing homes. Nursing home residents require more care than what is typically offered at an assisted living community, such as palliative care. Nursing homes have a clinical setting that is closer to a hospital or rehab center and usually don’t provide the social and wellness opportunities you’ll find at an assisted living community.

Pros and cons of assisted living communities

Pros

Lower costs
Assisted living might cost less than an in-home option if around-the-clock care is needed

Adjustable care and costs
The amount of care – and therefore, the cost – can be raised or lowered as needed

Improved family dynamics
Since the family isn’t managing the care and home maintenance, they can concentrate on spending quality time with Mom or Dad

Socially stimulating
Your parent will have daily opportunities to socialize and form new friendships with other assisted living residents

Expert-led nutrition services
In some communities, menus crafted by a culinary team trained in senior nutrition offer varied and healthy meal options

Programs designed for older adults
Some communities offer programs designed to engage older adults and encourage them to pursue their interests

Cons

Moving challenges
Your parent might be leaving a home they love, and they’d likely need to part with some personal belongings in a move to assisted living

Potential extra costs
Should a very high level of personal attention be needed, you might need to hire a private duty aide; this will cost extra

Shared common spaces
While many residents thrive in an assisted living community, some people shy away from group environments

Making a fully informed decision

When comparing in-home care options, always have a licensed home health care agency do a thorough assessment of your parent’s needs. If you’d like to learn more about assisted living, this blog has some useful information. Also, feel free to reach out to your local Atria community director today for resources and support.

Many older people enjoy life independently for many years without incident –and then, one day, something happens. Your parent slips and falls. They become ill and can’t care for themselves. The normal tasks of daily living become too much to handle. Occasional forgetfulness turns into a noticeable cognitive decline. You may wonder if it’s safe for Mom or Dad to continue living on their own.

Is moving in with your parent – or having them move in with you – the right move? There can be advantages when a parent moves in. It will give the family a chance to enjoy each other’s company. If Mom or Dad is active and has the energy, they can help around the house, babysit the kids and maybe even contribute financially. Moving elderly parents in typically costs less than relocating them to a senior living community.

On the other hand, there is a different set of costs to look at. You might have less privacy, more inconvenience and a disruption to the daily rhythm of your household.

Ask yourself these questions before committing to moving your parent out of their home and into yours.

Checklist: Preparing for Your Parent to Move In 

1. How much personal care will be required?

Take time to think about the types of care – and the level of expertise – that your parent requires. To do this, consider how your mom or dad is doing physically, mentally and emotionally. Are they able to manage the basic activities of daily living? This includes things a healthy adult takes for granted, such as bathing or showering, getting dressed and using the toilet. What will happen when your parent’s health changes in the future? Make plans for it now. If being your parent’s primary caregiver makes you anxious, but you still feel you “must,” that could be a sign that guilt is driving the conversation in your head. Think about how much you’re able and willing to take on.

2. Is my home set up properly for an elderly resident?

Imagine you are your parent walking up to your house. Are there stairs to navigate by the front door? If it’s a multistory residence, can Mom or Dad stay in a bedroom with a bathroom on the first floor? If they use a walker or wheelchair, is the bathroom door wide enough for access? Will your home need to be retrofitted with things like grab bars in the bathroom? Can you eliminate any tripping hazards or other safety issues? In other words, can you realistically make your house “elderly friendly?”

3. What is my relationship with my parent like?

There’s a difference between loving your parent dearly and being able to live with them successfully. Do a reality check on how well the two of you get along. If you like to be around each other and know how to work through problems, then you might make a great match. However, if you’ve always butted heads, living with each other will most likely lead to the same sort of conflicts – or worse.

One more consideration: The physical and emotional effects of aging can create changes in your parent’s mood or behavior. Conditions like dementia tend to intensify over time. So, even if you are getting along now, what will happen should a decline in cognitive abilities lead to a change in personality? This is not pleasant to think about – but it’s important to consider what life might look like in the coming months or years

4. How much time do I have to look after my parent?

If you work full time but have other family members in the home, can you tag team care, so your parent has someone on call? Do you have some flexibility with your job to adjust your schedule as needed? Do you have any childcare duties that might conflict with looking after an elderly parent?

5. Is my family ready for this?

Unless you live alone – which we will cover next – you will need to make sure your significant other and/or children are on board with your parent moving in. Depending on how healthy your parent is, and what their personality is like, having them live with you might be a blessing – or something less than that. Think about the needs of everyone in your household. Who might get less of your time and attention now that Mom or Dad is living under your roof? Will the kids need to step up and do more chores? Do you and your spouse enjoy privacy? Schedule a family discussion and make sure everyone is prepared.

6. I live alone – what do I need to be mindful of?

If your parent is relatively healthy and can look after themselves for extended periods, having them at home might work well. On the other hand, if they have a chronic illness, are coping with dementia or are stressed by the chores of day-to-day life, this arrangement can only work if you have an extended, dedicated caregiving team. That might include friends or relatives who live nearby and have the time. Maybe there’s a retired neighbor on your block who can check in on your parent regularly. There may also be options in your area for professional in-home care. Think this all through and make an honest assessment of whether this will work before committing to the move.

7. Am I prepared to be a successful caregiver?

If you are retired or are a homemaker, you might have the time to be your parent’s caregiver. However, having the time doesn’t mean you have the energy, stamina and determination to be a successful caregiver – especially if it’s a full-time job. To succeed, you will need to make sure your parent consumes a healthy, nutritious diet, guide them toward mentally stimulating activities like book clubs, hobbies and other creative endeavors, and schedule time for regular visits with family and friends.

The phrase, “it takes a village” applies to the role of caregiving. Sooner or later, those who attempt to go solo usually wind up with a chronic case of caregiver burnout.

8. How much will it cost – and who will pay for it?

When your parent moves in with you rather than relocating to a senior living community, it could save some money. There will still be new expenses, however. At the low-end, that includes things like food and utilities. If your parent is dealing with chronic health problems, the costs may begin to soar. It’s important to figure out what the expenses might be, and how they will be paid.

Some families charge their parent room and board. If there are additional care costs – such as retrofitting your house or hiring in-home caregivers – who will pay for them? It’s critical to make these decisions before the move happens.

9. What if I live in another state?

You may be wondering if Mom or Dad should leave their community to come live with you. Or you’re thinking, “Should I move closer to my aging parent?” If your parent is moving in with you from another city or state, they will likely lose their social network and may no longer see their friends regularly. That means it’s very important to help your parent stay connected or form new friendships to reduce the chances of becoming lonely and isolated.

If you have a small family or if everyone is busy, look into the availability of a senior center or adult daycare in your neighborhood. You will need to find a replacement for your parent’s previous social life.

10. Will I need to find new healthcare providers?

If your parent is relocating from out of the area, they will require a new primary care doctor and other healthcare professionals. Helping your parent stay as healthy as possible and providing them with the resources to manage ongoing health conditions are key to a successful move into your house.

11. Can I live with my parent and still have a life?

If you work full time or have a busy, active life, don’t underestimate the time involved to look after an elderly adult in your home. If your parent is relatively healthy and active, they might do fine on their own most of the time. This includes setting medical appointments, making transportation arrangements, ordering prescriptions and other supplies, and more. If not, these tasks will fall to you. You must still make time to look after your own welfare. Don’t just schedule an appointment at the doctor for Mom – arrange some self-care for yourself, too. Educate yourself about the ins and outs of caregiving by taking a class or joining a support group.

Why a senior living community might be a great fit for your parent

Now that you’ve considered what it will take for your parent to move into your home – or for you to move into theirs – you might conclude that you are ready to take the plunge. Or, you could be feeling like it’s too much to handle. Fortunately, there are many alternatives to having Mom or Dad live with you – some of which might be close to home. So next, let’s navigate the landscape of senior living communities.

8 reasons senior living might be the best choice for your parent

1. Assisted living communities offer services and amenities that are difficult to replicate at home

These communities typically provide healthy meals, planned events and programs, opportunities for socializing, and comfortable living spaces – all in a safe, tight-knit, self-contained environment. This attractive combination of features isn’t easily replicated at home.

2. Assisted living communities provide professional caregiving

Many assisted living neighborhoods capably manage challenging situations including chronic illnesses and limited mobility. Dedicated caregivers help with the daily activities of life, from bathing, toileting and getting dressed to medication management and more.

3. All-inclusive pricing makes budgeting easy

Assisted living can simplify life for you and your parent because the monthly rental rate includes their apartment, food, utilities, on-site events and programs, and housekeeping. Some communities may include care services in the rental rate, too.

4. Social connection is part of the design

If you are concerned that your parent will lack a social life, the right assisted living community typically maintains a calendar of events featuring group outings and activities such as movie nights and game nights, along with common areas where residents can sit, relax and talk.

5. Support and amenities create more time to enjoy life

Let’s face it: Many older adults are tired of daily tasks like housekeeping, cooking and home maintenance. That’s part of the “assisted” in assisted living. An on-site staff takes care of these things so residents can focus on enjoying life.

6. Apartments are designed for older adults

Assisted living communities often offer a selection of private or shared apartments designed to meet each resident’s personal preferences and budget.

7. Senior living communities support family relations

With the stress and challenges of caregiving taken off your plate, family dynamics shift. You can instead enjoy time with your parent, rather than letting their meals, appointments and overall well-being consume you.

8. Memory care communities support those with cognitive impairments

If your parent has challenges due to Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia, they might do well in a memory care community. In some cases, assisted living communities offer memory care in a separate, secure neighborhood, while some communities provide memory care only. Memory care services focus on safety and security, with staff on-site 24/7 to provide assistance and support as needed.

Some communities tailor their approach to memory care with thoughtful community design and a staff trained to anticipate the needs of each resident. You may also find programs with a strong emphasis on cognitive stimulation.

While moving your parent out of their home can be a challenge, it can also open the door to a better, richer life. So, take the time to think deeply about the move. If you are finding the process to be difficult or overwhelming, know that the feeling is normal. Stay open to all possibilities and you will find the best living arrangement for your parent.

 

Despite the fact that nearly four out of every 10 Americans will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetimes, a cancer diagnosis is a bit like a sucker punch to the gut. It’s like it came out of nowhere, and the person who’s been diagnosed may feel shocked, confused and upset.

If your parent recently learned they have cancer, take time to research the diagnosis and proposed treatment. Learning the ins and outs of the cancer journey will lead to more clarity and, hopefully, less fear.

What to expect after a cancer diagnosis

It is impossible to predict exactly what you and your parent will face following a cancer diagnosis. After all, researchers have identified more than 100 types of cancer, each of which has its own treatment protocol.

Whatever type of cancer your parent has, it is natural to feel strong emotions – ranging from anxiety and depression to anger. Stress factors include side effects of cancer treatments, the costs of medical care and the abrupt (and sometimes permanent) change to your parent’s routine.

As you get your arms around your parent’s life with cancer, it’s best to be proactive. Here are some ways to start:

• Learn. Learn as much as you can about the cancer. When possible, study the information together. Talk to your parent’s medical team about the diagnosis and treatment regimen. Understand the realities of life with cancer so you can tackle the disease with confidence.
• Build a support system. Even though it’s your parent who has cancer, the experience can be overwhelming for the entire family. Put together a team of family, friends, caregivers and healthcare professionals who can provide emotional support or help care for your parent’s home (or pets) when they are in the hospital or not feeling well enough to maintain their home.
• Talk. Confide in a family member, good friend or counselor. Consider joining a cancer support group, which can help you feel heard and understood. You can also ask your physician about support groups or where to find a medical social worker. Whatever you do, don’t isolate yourself or keep sadness, anger or confusion to yourself.
• Gather your strength. Getting through cancer treatments can feel like running a marathon. It’s helpful to work on developing a mindset that is resilient as well as flexible.

10 things to do after a cancer diagnosis

Leading cancer treatments

Your parent’s treatment plan is based on the type of cancer and when it’s identified. Most people will receive more than one treatment. For example, some people may require surgery followed by chemotherapy and radiation therapy.

Here are some of the most common treatments and therapies for cancer:

• Biomarker testing is performed to assess the condition so a doctor can recommend the best treatment protocol.
• Chemotherapy is a drug treatment that destroys cancer cells. It is often used in combination with other treatments. Be sure to ask your parent’s doctor about side effects.
• Certain breast and prostate cancers use hormones to grow and spread. Hormone therapy slows down or halts the growth of these cancers. Discus the pros and cons of this therapy with an oncologist.
• Hyperthermia treatments heat up body tissue to damage and get rid of cancer cells – with little-to-no damage to normal tissue. This treatment is used on several kinds of cancers and pre-cancers.
• Immunotherapy turns your immune system into a cancer fighter. Different types of immunotherapy are used against various kinds of cancer.
• In photodynamic therapy, light is used to activate a cancer-killing drug. It’s typically used to target a specific area of the body.
• Radiation therapy harnesses high doses of radiation to destroy cancerous cells. It can also shrink tumors.
• Stem cell transplants restore cells that were killed during chemotherapy or radiation therapy. Stem cells are the building blocks that grow every type of cell – from blood cells to breast tissue.
• Targeted therapy works by targeting changes in cancer cells that interrupt their ability to grow.

Also, depending on your parent’s cancer type, they may be eligible to take part in a clinical trial. Ask your care team if this might be an option.

What to consider for older adults

Age is a major risk factor for developing cancer. In fact, people over 65 are 11 times more likely to get cancer than those under 65.

When doctors treat older people with cancer, they often temper the therapies based on the individual’s overall health. Sometimes, cancer experts avoid treatments that might help because they worry about the person’s safety.

However, there may be a sea change in geriatric oncology. A growing number of clinicians are basing treatments on a person’s physiological age rather than their chronological age. Ask your parent’s doctor if there is anything related to age that will limit treatment options ­– and how that might affect the prospects for recovery.

What to do about treatment side effects

On top of the side effects of the cancer itself, your parent might have to live with treatment-related side effects. They could lose their appetite, have diarrhea, lose their hair, feel sick to their stomach, experience nerve issues, have trouble sleeping and more.

Treatment side effects can be unpredictable. Two different people with the same cancer might react differently. On the other hand, two very typical treatment side effects are fatigue and pain. Fatigue is a nearly universal effect of cancer treatment. Pain is often associated with chemotherapy, surgery and radiation.

Alert your parent’s doctor of any side effects – a treatment might be available. Work together with the healthcare team to help manage pain and find the right relief.

Side effects following treatment

People who survive cancer might experience side effects long after treatment ends. Oncologists refer to this as late effects, which may result from chemotherapy, hormone therapy, surgery, radiation, immunotherapy and targeted therapies. Many cancer survivors do not experience late effects.

Rehabilitation during and after treatment

Talk to your parent’s healthcare professional about cancer rehabilitation. These treatments may help your mom or dad improve physical vitality and emotional balance. Cancer rehabilitation specialists focus on enhancing endurance, building strength and increasing mobility. They also work to lessen fatigue and pain, reduce anxiety, and treat a number of cancer treatment side effects that tend to stick around. Managing pain and going through a rehabilitation regimen can lead to a faster, more effective recovery.

Staying connected with your parent

As if being diagnosed with cancer isn’t enough, your mom or dad’s illness could strain your relationship. When your parent is tired, stressed or in pain, they may not feel like talking much. They might also be worried about losing their independence and having their life turned upside-down. They could even insist they don’t need any help.

While it’s not easy, communicate regularly and honestly with your parent. Make sure they are involved in decisions about their treatment plan. Speak candidly about what’s going on while respecting how they feel.

Is it time for extra assistance?

Even when you have a strong, committed support team of family, friends and neighbors, there might come a time when your parent needs extra support.

If your parent becomes too weak physically to care for themselves, is making poor diet choices or has become withdrawn, don’t wait to reach out for professional help.

Some people who have had cancer do well with in-home care. Others get exactly what they need in an assisted living community. In fact, why not consider a short-term stay at Atria? This might make a perfect transition following hospitalization or a rehab stay. Locate an Atria community near you.

Atria Senior Living is here to help

With more than 25 years of experience serving families like yours, we are happy to share our expertise and offer any support we can to help your parent live a fulfilling life after a cancer diagnosis.

Let us call on our relationships with trusted senior living professionals to help you find the best solution for your parent.

Feel free to reach out to your local Atria community director today.

Cancer recovery checklist for seniors (PDF)