Category: Caregiving

“You’ve had a stroke.” When your parent hears these words, their reaction – and yours – might include shock, denial and fear.

First? Take a deep breath – literally and figuratively. Acknowledge the uncertainty and anxious thoughts, and then steady yourself and know that many have traveled this road before. Modern protocols – based on decades of experience with millions of stroke survivors – inform us on best practices for treating a stroke and up the odds for successful rehabilitation.

What to ask if your parent is still in the hospital 

Be proactive. Ask your parent’s medical team to share important information, such as:

• What type of stroke did your parent have? If it was an ischemic stroke, ask if clot-reducing medications have been used.
• If your parent wound up in intensive or acute care, ask about the stroke’s severity and how that might impact recovery.
• Before being discharged, be sure to ask the medical staff about the suggested rehabilitation plan. Make sure you understand their assessment of the likely long-term effects the stroke has caused. Major symptoms include:
  • Cognitive issues (memory challenges, having trouble speaking)
  • Physical issues (weakness, paralysis, trouble swallowing, trouble sleeping, extreme fatigue)
  • Emotional issues (depression, anxiety)

What happens after your parent returns home?

Once Mom or Dad gets home, make sure you are aware of the lingering problems that may persist following a stroke. The hospital team will share everything they’ve observed before discharging your parent. Some symptoms, however, might become noticeable as your parent settles in at home. Keep a watchful eye out for conditions such as:

• Muscle weakness, paralysis or balance problems
• Physical sensations including numbness, tingling and burning
• Pain
• Unusual tiredness
• Incontinence
• Speech issues
• Trouble swallowing
• Memory or attention problems
• Eyesight complaints
• Denial relating to the severity of the stroke

If you see any of the above, or your parent says they don’t feel right – which could range from any of the symptoms listed above to feelings of loneliness – don’t wait. Alert your parent’s care providers immediately. Just as time is of the essence when a stroke first happens, rapidly addressing any emergent issues will enhance the prospects for optimal recovery.

10 tips to support your parent after a stroke

What factors impact recovery?

According to the American Stroke Association, stroke recovery happens on multiple fronts. The degree of recovery depends on:

• The location of the stroke in the brain
• The percentage of the brain impacted by the stroke
• How motivated the person is to get better
• How committed and skilled the caregivers are
• How healthy the person was before the stroke

When does recovery peak? The period of fastest recovery is typically in the first three to six months following the stroke. However, this isn’t a hard and fast rule. Some people continue to get better one or even two years later.

Special considerations for elderly stroke patients

The older we get, the greater our risk of experiencing a stroke. About half of all strokes happen to people older than 75. Older adults often stay in the hospital longer and find recovery more difficult. Ask your parent’s medical team to identify any age-related challenges and how they might affect rehabilitation, and what the plan is to maximize recovery. You will also want to discuss any physical conditions that might change the course of rehabilitation, including cognitive impairment and incontinence.

While strokes may cause great harm to the body, research indicates that the brain can bounce back. Neurons may begin to regenerate just a few days after a stroke – even in the brains of older adults.

Make sure to compare notes with your parent’s healthcare team about the impact of their age on their recovery and quality of life.

Create the conditions for recovery while reducing the risk of another stroke

There’s a lot you can do to keep your parent safer and healthier as recovery continues. Follow these tips:

• Review your parent’s prescriptions. Learn about possible side effects, some of which might increase due to the stroke. Make sure they take the correct doses of each medication at the appropriate times.
• Assess whether their home should be “stroke proofed.” Consider your parent’s symptoms and whether any inconveniences or hazards need adjusting.
• Stroke-related falls are quite common, and your parent might be at an increased risk. Be sure to address potential tripping hazards. Should your parent experience a serious fall with significant pain, bleeding or bruising, get them to a hospital immediately. If your parent falls repeatedly, consult with a doctor or physical therapist.
• To lower the chances of another stroke, be mindful about your parent’s diet. If your parent is healthy enough to exercise, support them in committing to a regular program.

The role of physical therapy

A plan for physical therapy, if recommended, is established before your parent leaves the hospital. The discharge papers will outline a physical therapy protocol. The hospital staff may also share resources for physical therapy.

Look for a physical therapist who is experienced with stroke rehabilitation – ideally, a stroke recovery specialist who is skilled in helping people with coordination issues, balance problems and other conditions that impact quality of life.

Ask questions about the program and its goals, along with a therapy timetable. Make sure you and your parent understand the plan and are clear on how to follow it.

What about occupational therapy?

Occupational therapy might help your parent rebuild life skills following a stroke. When the connection between the brain, nerves and muscles is compromised, occupational therapy can teach alternative methods for completing daily activities. This might include speaking and communication, walking and getting dressed, eating, writing, bathing, and toileting. The overriding goal will be to help your parent regain as much independence as possible.

How to promote positive outcomes for stroke rehabilitation

Here are the main factors that contribute to a successful stroke rehabilitation program:

• How badly did the stroke damage the brain?
• How old is your parent?
• What is their level of alertness?
• How intense can the rehab program be?
• Does your parent have other medical conditions? If so, how serious are they?
• Can the home be outfitted for safety and independence, with additions like stair railings and grab bars?
• Are family and friends on board and ready to be supportive?
• How soon can rehabilitation begin?

How to keep the lines of communication open with your parent 

A stroke can be stressful, even for the best parent-child relationship. A decline in your mother or father’s physical abilities, changes to the way they live their life, and challenges to their independence may cause significant emotional turmoil.

The best way to address the situation is straight on. Regularly ask your parent how they are feeling. Involve them in their recovery and care decisions. Be respectful of their feelings – but always speak the truth.

If your parent is experiencing communication problems due to the stroke, follow these guidelines:

• Practice patience
• Create a quiet zone with a minimum of distractions (e.g., lower the volume on the TV or turn it off)
• When possible, ask questions that can be answered with “yes” or “no”
• Don’t raise your voice or speak too softly
• Slow down and give your parent time to process what you are saying
• Listen to what your parent has to say and make sure they know you understand
• Don’t answer questions for your parent; give them time to respond 

The value of a strong social network 

The demands of a hospital stay and the initial weeks of a rehabilitation program may find you, your family and your parent stretched to the limit. That’s why it’s important to assemble a “home team” of family, friends and neighbors who are committed to your parent’s recovery.

The home team can also help your parent avoid social isolation. Even a short in-person visit or a phone call from a friend keeps your parent engaged and can help them maintain a positive mental outlook to strengthen recovery.

Don’t go at it alone

Your parent suffered the stroke, but you are going through this, too. It can be emotionally draining, and many children of older adults who’ve had strokes often shove their emotions to the side and power through the situation. Yes, develop your courage muscles as part of being a good partner for your parent. However, being strong doesn’t mean treating your emotions like a doormat. Acknowledge uncomfortable feelings, but don’t say “I’m fine” when you’re not. Keep in mind what flight crews always say: “Should we experience a drop in pressure, secure the oxygen mask over your nose and mouth before helping others.” Meaning: Taking care of your parent requires looking after yourself, too.

The long and winding road to recovery: Six months and beyond

 From here on out, further recovery is a possibility, but progress will likely be slower. Is full recovery possible? For some, the answer is yes. Others learn to adjust to their limitations and live happy, fulfilling lives.

While recovery might be more or less complete, staying in contact with your parent’s healthcare team is an essential part of remaining healthy and lowering the chance of another stroke. Team members might include:

• Your parent’s primary care doctor
• A rehabilitation physician (also known as a physiatrist)
• Physical and occupational therapists
• A neurologist
• A rehabilitation psychologist

Speak with your parent’s doctor’s office to identify the right team of professionals for your situation.

When your parent needs more help

We all value our independence. If all goes well, your parent might bounce back to resume most or all of the activities they enjoyed prior to the stroke. On the other hand, the time may come when Mom or Dad needs more help than can be provided by you, family members or friends.

If your parent is no longer engaged socially, eating well or staying active, it might be time for professional assistance. Some people who have had strokes do well with in-home care; others get exactly what they need in an assisted living community.

Is assisted living the right choice for your parent? Try a short-term stay at Atria. This might make a perfect transition following a hospitalization or rehab stay.  Locate an Atria community near you.

Atria Senior Living is here to help

With more than 25 years of experience serving families like yours, we specialize in a well-rounded approach to healthy living – providing discreet, professional care. We are happy to share our expertise and offer any support we can to help your parent live a fulfilling life after a stroke.

Let us call on our relationships with trusted senior living professionals to put you in touch with the best solution for you and your parent.

Feel free to reach out to your local Atria community director today.

Stroke recovery checklist for seniors (PDF)

“There’s no greater satisfaction and joy than boldly being yourself or redefining a life chapter – at any age.” – Billie Jean King

I’m often asked how I keep a positive attitude when faced with the occasional setback. My answer is simple. Each day, I embrace life, pursue purpose and seek adventure.

This same approach applies to rekindling a sense of fun in older adults, including those challenged by physical or mental setbacks. Here’s how to help an older parent rediscover passion and joy in their life.

Embrace life

 “Enjoy the little things in life because one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things.” – Kurt Vonnegut

Maybe it’s making a favorite pie from scratch, playing fetch with a dog or simply dressing up for a night on the town. Embracing simple pleasures is a delightful way to cultivate moments of joy in everyday life. Encourage your parent to rekindle their passions and offer any needed support if you can – gather ingredients for cooking, gift them with a fresh set of pet toys or join them for a fancy dessert at a favorite coffee house.

Do you know what else helps us embrace life? A playful spirit. Scientists have recognized that play contributes to physical and emotional health and is a source of relaxation and brain stimulation. Consider simple games you can play together – or even over the phone – like Wordle or crossword puzzles. There are some hilarious guessing and trivia games that can be played with smartphone apps.

As so many of life’s experiences are shaped by our attitude, it’s important to be positive. Should your parent dwell on the negative, encourage them to talk about what’s going well in their lives. If they need prompting, recall a cherished memory you have of your parent and encourage them to elaborate on the story.

It’s important we don’t take things personally. When someone says something negative, it’s usually more about them than about you.

Pursue purpose

“Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.” – Oprah Winfrey

Purpose is important. It gives us something to look forward to each day. It also gives us something positive to reflect on, something to share, something to be proud of. Purposeful living has also been proven to help older adults live healthier, longer lives. As we age, so much changes – we may lose our spouse, we retire, our health declines and so on – it’s easy to lose touch with what we’re passionate about.

Seek opportunities for your parent to become involved in the local community or ways they can use their talents to help causes they consider worthwhile or important. If they are a veteran, reach out to your local VA and inquire about volunteer opportunities. If they love children, consider having your parent host story time at their local library or knit blankets for a pediatric hospital. If they are extroverted, consider Meals on Wheels or other organizations that help isolated adults. Fun comes in many forms, and helping others is one of them.

Giving back is one of the most fulfilling parts of my life. Making a difference in the lives of others can happen at so many levels. Older adults have amazing experiences to share; sometimes, they just need an invitation to join the conversation.

Be adventurous

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” – Albert Einstein

Anyone who follows my social media posts knows that my tennis career and activism have provided wonderful opportunities to see the world – but we don’t always have to travel far to find fun and adventure. The secret is fostering a sense of curiosity in everyday life.

As a young child, I used to drive my parents crazy with all the questions I had about everything. Keeping a curious mind as an older adult opens the door to new possibilities. We can help older adults cultivate a curious spirit in many ways. Eat at a restaurant serving food they’ve never heard of, sign up for music lessons or a community college course, or try their hand at pottery or watercolor.

While routines are comforting, breaking out of our comfort zone and trying new things can be the exhilarating reminder that there is so much more to life than our daily routines. Again, tap into that playful spirit. See what nearby events or activities are happening throughout the week and encourage your parent to invite a friend or family member to join.

A community filled with fun opportunities

When my partner and I were looking for the right senior living community for my mother-in-law, we were drawn to the inviting environment at Atria Senior Living. Atria offered the support she needed as well as events and opportunities to socialize with others her age. We watched her grow, stay active and rediscover what it meant to engage with the world. If you’re interested, stop by a community for a visit. Visitors are always welcome and encouraged to sit down for lunch or attend an event.

Ready for a fun quiz? Take it now. (PDF)

A move to senior living often comes with an adjustment period – both for the older adult making the move, and their family. This transition can be especially hard for caregivers. If you’ve dedicated yourself to supporting your parent, researched the different types of senior living, found the right community and helped plan the move, you may still not be prepared for the emotions you and your parent experience after making the change.

“I’ve been on both sides of the coin,” says Lisa Ward, a Community Sales Director who started her career in the Atria community where her mother now resides. “My mother did not willingly move into a senior living community. Getting her to make the transition was difficult. My sister and I experienced a lot of guilt.”

Hear more from Ward and discover tips on how to help your parent if they are having difficulty adjusting to assisted living in this video.

4 ways to help your parent adjust after moving to an assisted living community

 

1. Don’t yield too quickly
2. Resist being a helicopter
3. Make their home feel like home
4. Expect good days and bad days

Our Guide to Help Your Parent Adjust to Assisted Living

Don’t yield too quickly

How long does it take to adjust to assisted living? The truth is, it varies. It may take as little as a week to feel comfortable. Many experts suggest it can take as long as three to six months – which could feel much longer if your parent is struggling to adjust to assisted living. This is normal.

If your parent is immediately ready to turn around and go home, encourage them to give it some time.

“Everybody has a different time frame,” Ward says. “Circle back to their pain point. What is it that they don’t like, other than it’s not home?”

You can also engage with the community’s staff to learn about appealing events. Encourage your parent to take a fitness class, go on an outing or find a group with similar interests.

“My mom loves gardening,” says Ward. “We connected her with some other master gardeners and the gardening club in the community. Once she put her hands in the dirt, she found her comfort zone.”

Resist being a helicopter

While frequent visits early on may seem like you’re being supportive, you could be holding your parent back. They may opt out of events and opportunities to interact with their new neighbors in anticipation of your visit.

Conversely, never visiting or calling may make your parent feel abandoned and confirm any apprehensions they may have had about the move in the first place.

“I think being there every day gives the signal that you think something is wrong, and you’re waiting for them to want to go back home. At the same time, you can’t just drop them off and drive away and go. Somewhere in between is ideal,” Ward advises.

Instead of frequent in-person visits, consider weekly phone calls and an occasional visit for lunch or dinner during the first 30 days. Make sure to check in with the community director as well to address any issues or strategies for adjustment.

After the first month, reach out to close family members and ask them to visit and call as well. Your parent may not be completely adjusted yet, but they may have positive things to talk about, like a new friendship or an event they really enjoyed.

By the second or third month, the community will feel familiar, and your parent may feel more comfortable. This is a great time to encourage visits and phone calls from extended relatives and friends. It may be a pleasant surprise for your parent. Encourage others to ask for a tour of your parent’s apartment and the community, or to stay for coffee or attend one of the daily events.

Make their home feel like home

One of the best ways to make their new home feel familiar is to decorate it with cherished items that represent your parent and what they care about. Their favorite piece of furniture or work of art, a special heirloom, family pictures and homemade crafts from grandchildren can all add warmth and personality to a senior apartment.

To put the finishing touches on their new space, take your parent shopping. While they may be reluctant to leave a long-time home, there may have been things they’d always wanted to update. A move offers an opportunity to replace items with something fresh – that still reflects their style.

You don’t have to stop at décor; consider other ways to make the community feel like home. If your parent has a beloved pet, look into the community’s pet policy to see if they can make the move as well. If your parent’s cat or dog has been left in your care, bring them with you from time to time when you visit. If there is a particular comfort food your parent loves, consider talking to the community’s chef about adding that item to the menu as one of their daily specials.

Expect good days and bad days

Every day will not be easy, nor will every day be a struggle – and that’s normal. Likely, you will both need time to process the change. It’s better for your parent to have an occasional bad day where they are safe, cared for and in great company rather than being home where their well-being may be at risk.

“Do you benefit from having a dedicated staff who can cook and clean for your parent, where you know that they’re safe and you can leave town and have peace of mind? Absolutely,” Ward says. “But it’s all about your parent. It’s about making sure they understand you’re doing this for them and not to them. The move is to ensure they’re healthy, happy, independent and thriving.”

If you are having trouble managing a conflict with your parent, as well as experiencing feelings of guilt and frustration, consider leaning on a friend, spouse or counselor for support. And rest assured that those challenging days won’t last forever. As time goes on, many witness their parent becoming happier and healthier at a senior living community – and the transition may help restore the parent-child relationship you once knew.

“When my mom moved in, she wouldn’t talk to us the first two weeks.” Ward says. “She wouldn’t even answer our phone calls. By the third week, she started participating and making friends. After about six weeks, we said, ‘Well, Mom, if you hate it here so much, why don’t you move back with us? We will just reverse everything.’ And she said, ‘Why would I do that? All my friends are here!’”

We’re here to help

Adjusting to assisted living takes time, and you can always reach out to us. Atria’s helpful and knowledgeable staff members are eager to help your parent feel at home in their community.

Download this useful guide to help ease the transition into assisted living for both you and your parent.

Over the course of human history, life expectancy has nearly tripled. While living longer lives is certainly something to be cherished, it has also created a significant uptick in the number of older adults requiring care of one form or another – care that is often provided by their adult children.

Taking care of an elderly parent can be a very rewarding experience, but when factored into life’s many other daily demands, it can be exhausting – both physically and emotionally. More than a third of family caregivers rate their job as emotionally stressful, and nearly one in five experience a high level of physical strain, according to this AARP report.

While many new caregivers feel they can roll up their sleeves and enthusiastically soldier through their responsibilities, not having a plan to handle work, family tasks and making time for self-care can lead to caregiver burnout, depression and health problems. Here are some tips to help you maintain a better balance of work, caregiving and personal life.

How to manage caregiving responsibilities

The first step to managing your caregiving is to be objective about all of the specific tasks and responsibilities you truly have, and then reach out to as many family members and friends as you can to ask for help. Here are some ways to make this a little easier

• Build a support team – Create a contact list with email and phone numbers for all family and friends that can help.
• Make a task list – Write down all of your caregiver responsibilities, organizing them by daily, weekly and monthly tasks. Make this list concise but also comprehensive – you might be surprised at how quickly those smaller tasks can add up. Divide your list into what can be done in the home (meals, housekeeping, personal care) vs. outside (grocery shopping, special errands, doctor appointments). Try to combine outside activities as best you can to consolidate travel time.
• Share the list – Make a copy of this list for your support team and be specific about the tasks you need their help with the most. There are several on-line schedulers that may make this easier to both compile your list and share with others. Be flexible and offer options that make it easier for everyone to pitch in. If someone can’t contribute their time, perhaps they can contribute funds to help cover costs to occasionally hire a professional caregiver or transportation service when you aren’t available or simply need a break.
• Answer questions – Some members of your support team may have questions about medications or mobility issues. Others may be uncomfortable with tasks like dressing or bathing. Ask everybody if they have any questions or concerns and address them as best you can.

How to make more time for yourself

Once you’ve got a handle on your caregiving tasks and secured help from family and friends, here are some additional ways to make more time for yourself:

• Preemptive steps – Whether you’re caring for your parent in their home or yours, make the home safe to help prevent falls or other injuries that could create additional caregiver responsibilities if overlooked. Also, be mindful of how social isolation and loneliness in older adults can create situations that make providing care more challenging – learn the warning signs and what you can do to help.
• Find outside care – There are many local and national organizations that provide both paid and volunteer respite-care services. A good place to start your search is the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging. Explore short-term stays at senior living communities in your area – they provide you with a break and allow your parent to experience the personal care, amenities, meals and events that community life offers.
• Just say no – There is only so much time in the day, so don’t overcommit. Fulfilling obligations with family and friends is important, but so is taking time to relax and rejuvenate. It’s okay to politely decline an invitation with simple regrets or, if you like, send a small gift or bottle of wine for others to enjoy in your absence.
• Unplug – Making more time for yourself starts with limiting distractions, so turn off your email and avoid the endless scrolling on social media – it will all be waiting for you tomorrow.
• Relax – Sounds easy enough, but it’s easy to lose yourself in your day without taking a breath. Whether it’s sitting down with a good book, spending time in the garden, yoga, meditation or simple breathing exercises, it’s important to unwind. Even if you have a crazy busy schedule, devote at least five minutes of the day to something you love that brings you value and joy.
• Connect – Whether it’s a phone call, coffee date or an evening out, spending time with family and friends outside of your caregiving responsibilities can help relieve stress and recharge you for the day ahead.

How to lower your stress

When you’re stressed, you are more likely to sleep poorly, tire easily and be irritable with others, including those you are caring for – but you can help manage stress by modifying your behavior. Getting more sleep increases your capacity for patience. Getting more exercise releases endorphins that reduce feelings of anxiousness and depression.

Here are a few ways to reduce stress and increase the calm in your day:

• Breathe – Sit quietly and comfortably and breathe deeply while you count your breaths from 1 to 10. Repeat this while remaining focused on the moment. It’s natural for your mind to drift, but still your thoughts and do your best to stay focused on the moment. Doing this for even a few minutes each day can relieve stress.
• Visualize – If just sitting and breathing makes you feel too awkward, try doing it while picturing a relaxing scene. Maybe it’s lying on the beach or gently floating through a cool tropical forest. Visualizing peaceful scenes while you do your deep breathing takes you on a mental vacation of sorts, which helps rejuvenate your mind.
• Get out – If you need a more active way to relax, try a walking meditation. This is similar to a neighborhood stroll, but with deliberate deep breathing while being focused on everything you are experiencing in the moment – the smells of the grass, the rustling of the trees, the barking of a distant dog. Immersing yourself deeply in each moment of your walk will leave you feeling more refreshed and buoyant when you get home.
• Creative mindfulness – Whether it’s painting, coloring, strumming a guitar, gardening, working a puzzle or raking a sandy Zen garden, being engaged in a creative outlet has a calming effect that can make you feel renewed and more at ease.
• Exercise – Walking the dog, cycling classes, yoga – nothing gets those endorphins pumping better than exercise. Solo is fine, but having a partner or joining a group at the fitness center can make workouts more fun.

We’re always here to help

As a leader in the industry, Atria Senior Living is happy to share our expertise and offer any support we can – even if the support you need is from someone other than us. We can call on our trusted relationships with other senior living organizations and resources to put you in touch with the best solution for you and your family. Whether you are considering a short-term stay or simply need advice, please reach out to your local Atria community director today and they’ll be happy to help in any way they can.

Our Guide to Balancing a Busy Schedule and Caregiving (PDF)

According to a study by the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), more than three-quarters of adults age 50 and older in the U.S. prefer to live in their own homes as long as possible. However, a study by the U.S. Census Bureau found that less than 10 percent of homes are “aging-ready,” and present considerable health and safety risks for older adults.

Whether you need to help make an elderly parent’s home safer or your home for a parent moving in, here are some important tips and senior safety devices to help keep your parent as safe and independent as possible.

The first step – preparing for change

Change is hard at any age, and it can often be more challenging as we get older. Change can represent loss of control and this, in turn, can feel like losing independence. So, before you start making any home modification plans, it’s important to talk things over with your parent. Keeping your parent involved in the decision-making process helps things go more smoothly by eliminating the negative reactions that typically arise when people feel like they’ve been deliberately kept out of the loop.

Also, don’t bring up everything that needs to change all at once. It’s best to start the conversation with any small changes that need to be made and take care of those first, and then gradually introduce larger issues. Involving your parent’s doctor in the discussion may also make things easier as your parent may be more willing to accept advice from a trusted professional.

Reducing falls at home

In the U.S., falls are the leading cause of injury and death for older adults. In fact, about 36 million falls are reported among older adults each year, resulting in more than 32,000 fatalities. There are many factors that can make one more prone to falling, such as:

• Decreased visual acuity
• Declining motor skills
• Decreased cognitive abilities
• Certain medications
• Medical history of stroke or Parkinson’s disease

The good news is many falls are preventable. Here are some ways you can help your parent reduce the risk of falling:

• Stay active – Being physically fit goes a long way to prevent falls. Have your parent focus on activities and movements that strengthen the legs and improve balance, like tai chi – consult your parent’s doctor for activities that are best suited if they have mobility issues
• Assistive devices – If your parent requires better support and balance, consider walking aids such as walking stick, tripod, walking frame or rollator – and make sure the rooms in which it is used provide needed clearance and are free of clutter. Reaching aids that help your parent to obtain an item safely, without stretching or over-balancing, can also prevent falls.
• Remove trip hazards – Replace all throw rugs and mats with non-slip versions. Rugs should be changed throughout the house, but make the kitchen, bedroom and any bathrooms a first priority. Secure or reroute any exposed electrical cords and remove all low-profile furniture and any floor-level clutter that may pose a risk.
• House pets – This can be a delicate subject, but cats and dogs can pose a significant fall risk. If a pet is highly energetic, erratic in behavior or prone to sudden bursts of running around inside the house, consider securing an area of the house with pet gates (like the kitchen or laundry room) so the pet still has plenty of room but isn’t a constant tripping threat. Also, be mindful that pet toys scattered on the floor are also tripping hazards – store them in a basket or box when not in play.
• Thresholds – Changes from tile to wood or carpet can contribute to falls. Applying a strip of bright orange tape on thresholds can help your parent identify a change in the floor surface. Raised flooring between rooms can also be an issue – ask a safety expert about flattening thresholds or adding small ramps or handrails. If the floor itself is too slippery, consider applying non-slip strips or replacing with non-slip flooring.
• Floor lighting – It always helps to see where one’s going, so install plug-in or battery-powered lights along well-traveled paths, such as bed to bathroom and around the kitchen. Motion sensor lights are an option that are perfect for the bathroom and hallways. While shedding light on the situation can help avoid falls, be sure any conventional floor lamps are secured to the ground and that both the lamps and their cords are tucked away behind furniture and not placed in walking paths.
• Stepping up safety – If the home has multiple levels, make every effort to move all essential activities to the first floor. If this is not possible, consider installing a personal elevator or stair lift chair. If mobility is not a concern, then make sure all stairways have firm handrails. Consider replacing exterior steps with ramps where possible or installing handrails and non-slip strips to existing steps.
• Grab bars – Grab bars are quite common in bathrooms, but consider installing them throughout the house where a steady hand could prevent a fall, such as the kitchen, bedroom or by a recliner.
• Clothing and footwear – Ensure your parent has clothing that is neither too constrictive nor too loose, as long, loose pant legs could trip them up. Check to make sure they are wearing non-skid shoes/slippers in the home and avoid laces on shoes if they can’t be securely tied.

Make the home furniture-friendly

Whether it’s a favorite recliner or cherished antique table handed down through the generations, home furnishings can have strong emotional attachments. Creating a safer environment for your parent may be as simple as rearranging existing furniture for easier accessibility, but some items – no matter how beloved – may need to be carefully reconsidered for their potential safety risks. Here are ways to make furnishings safer throughout the home:

• Make space – Arrange furniture so there are clear walking paths, making sure that there’s a good three feet of clearance for safer mobility and to minimize fall hazards. This may require moving some furnishings to other parts of the house or possibly passing along to other family members, selling or donating. Again, calmly discuss this with your parent before making any changes, let them know why you are suggesting these changes and, if they need to be removed, let them help decide where such furnishings should go.
• Beware of glass and sharp corners – That coffee table may have hosted many family game nights, but if it has sharp corners or a glass top, it would be best to replace it with a round table and forgo any breakable glass adornments.
• Secure shelving – If your parent were to trip, it’s only natural for them to grab onto whatever is nearby to prevent their fall. If what they grab onto happens to be an unsecured shelving unit, they could sustain more injuries than had they simply fallen to the ground. Make sure all shelving or storage units are secured to the wall so they can’t inadvertently topple on top of them.
• Chairs – Avoid rocking chairs and chairs on wheels that will move when someone attempts to sit. If your parent could use a little help standing up, consider a chair lift recliner, the cost of which may be covered under Medicare.
• In the bedroom – Most bed frames position the mattress 20 to 23 inches off the floor, but your parent may find it easier if the bed is positioned higher or lower. If they use a wheelchair, then the mattress should be as level as possible with the seat of the wheelchair. If your parent has experienced any falls from bed, then consider safety bed rails for seniors, wedge pillows, or a frame that positions the mattress lower to the ground or has adjustable height, making it easier to get in and out. If changing the placement of their bed, make sure it is positioned so your parent can get out of bed on the side they are accustomed to.
• In the bathroom – Install night lights to illuminate the path to the bathroom. To minimize your parent’s risk of falling while in the bathroom, consider grab bars near the toilet and in the shower, as well as a raised toilet seat, shower chair and transfer bench. If they are at high risk for falling and frequently use the bathroom in the middle of the night, gently suggest that a bedside commode may be the safest option.

Safety alarms

No matter how risk-free you make the home, there is always a chance an accident will occur. There are a host of emergency-alert wearable devices and services to choose from, many of which can be self-installed. Explore the various options and choose the ones that best suit your parent’s needs and give you peace of mind.

You should also check existing house alarms to make sure they have fresh batteries and are in good working order. Here’s a list of things you should consider:

• Smoke detectors
• Carbon monoxide detectors
• Fire extinguishers
• Stove alarms
• Gas stove safety knobs

Make the home easier to manage

Removing potential fall and safety hazards is important, but also consider small things that can be done to makes everyday activities easier, too.

• Remove all the clutter – Clear out those old stacks of newspapers and magazines, create a box for mail, put any dirty laundry on the floor into a hamper and move any favored knick-knacks to a central location – or, better yet, ask if they can be stored away. Such items pose tripping hazards and free up space that may be used for more crucial items.
• Make everyday items more accessible – Once you’ve decluttered the floor and countertops, consider using some of that space for everyday essentials like eyeglass cleaner, moisturizer and tissues. If possible, put bathroom necessities within easy reach, like their toothbrush, toothpaste, liquid soap and eye drops. Minimize items in the shower with an organizer that holds just a few essentials, and make sure the shower floor has non-slip strips.
• Organize the refrigerator and pantry – Make nutritious food choices easy by cleaning out the fridge and making sure desirable items are placed front and center. This goes for any food stored in the pantry as well. Remove any opened bags of snacks that may have gone stale and double-check those expiration dates – that bottle of spaghetti sauce or can of condensed milk may have gone bad months ago.

Home safety tips for older adults with dementia

Here are some additional safety precautions to help prevent dementia and Alzheimer’s home safety risks. These would apply for older adults whose cognitive impairment can be managed at home – those with more significant memory loss may need around-the-clock supervision, which should be determined by an appropriate medical professional.

• Use appliances with auto-shutoff features – Install hidden gas valves and circuit breakers so that ovens, fireplaces and stoves aren’t left on.
• Put finger guards on garbage disposals – In lieu of finger guards, you can cover on/off switches with safety locks.
• Lock up harmful items – Put locks on any drawers or cabinets containing knives, cleaning supplies or medication. Secure garages or basements that may contain harmful chemicals or machinery.
• Remove bedroom and bathroom locks – This will prevent accidental lock-ins, which could create a panic.
• Use technology – If wandering outside the home is a concern, GPS tracking through your parent’s smartphone can keep you updated on their location. A tracking device, such as an AirTag^®, placed in their wallet or insole of their shoes can also help.
• Create clear paths and open areas – This encourages independence and social interaction, which according to Alzheimer’s Association^®, are two important needs for people with dementia.

Don’t wait to be safe

As mentioned earlier, it’s best to gradually introduce any changes that need to be made, but don’t wait to get started. It’s better to prepare the home before an emergency or life-changing event takes place. The changes you make can help avoid accidents, reduce fall risks and make it easier for your parent to age at home.

We’re always here to help

As a leader in the industry, Atria Senior Living is happy to share our expertise and offer any support we can – even if the support you need is from someone other than us. We can call on our trusted relationships with other senior living organizations and resources to put you in touch with the best solution for you and your family. Reach out to your local Atria community today and they’ll be happy to help.

Our Guide to Making Home Safer for Your Parent (PDF)

As families age, roles reverse, and adult children often find themselves playing the part of caregiver for a senior parent. This may happen slowly in phases or all at once due to an accident or sudden onset of disease. No matter the circumstances, becoming your parent’s caregiver is often a difficult position to navigate for all involved.

It is wise to anticipate the needs your loved one may have as they age, when possible. This may begin with providing transportation to and from errands or doctor’s appointments and evolve into helping with meals and housekeeping or handling finances. Below, you’ll find advice for first-time caregivers and tips for caring for aged parents at home.

Have an earnest conversation

Planning care for an aging parent can be uncomfortable to talk about, but it is a necessary conversation. The sooner you begin discussing what the future could look like, the better it will be. If you wait until decisions are imminent, stress and urgency can make it more difficult to evaluate options, and those options may be more limited.

• Broach the topic gently – No one likes to have a difficult discussion they aren’t prepared for; it can put people on the defensive. Look for a natural opening to bring up the subject with your parent. For example, if your parent mentions joint pain, you could ask if that’s been impacting their ability to make it up and down stairs or get around the house on their own.
• Be persistent, but patient – Understandably, older adults are often hesitant to leave the home they’ve made for themselves. They may have been there for decades, forging cherished memories of raising children, entertaining friends and family or investing time and resources into the property itself. It will likely take several conversations to help your parent accept that they need assistance. Forcing the issue can create a combative situation that only makes a difficult situation more challenging.
• Don’t be afraid to talk about money – Figuring out finances is an unavoidable topic when making arrangements for an aging parent. You’ll need to take stock of any savings or assets they may have, as well as determine how much you and other family members are able to contribute. The earlier you start this process, the more time there will be to save.
• Get others’ opinions – Remember, your assessment of the situation isn’t the only point of view. It’s crucial to talk to your siblings and have them involved with these same conversations with your parent. Consider asking your parent’s doctors, other family members and trusted friends what they think is best.
• Listen to your loved one – Your parent deserves to have their opinion heard, too. The opportunity to express one’s preferences and concerns can be empowering. Let your parent be an active participant in as many decisions as possible.

Know what to expect

Knowledge is power. Gather as much information as you can so that you can make informed decisions and be prepared for the future.

• Research the disease or disability – If your parent has received a diagnosis, knowing how the disease or disability may progress can help you anticipate what additional care or resources may be necessary down the line. That way, you can make decisions now that could potentially make things easier later. Understand their medications, the purpose of each, side effects and dosage – forgetting medication is often a common sign of aging, so be prepared to help with this.
• Search for resources – Be thorough in your research when considering care options for an aging parent. There are plenty of resources online that can help. If you know anyone who has navigated a similar situation, ask for their advice, too. Explore all your options, such as day programs for older adults or in-home care that could help your parent prepare for a transition to assisted living or memory care if and when it becomes necessary.
• Understanding dementia – A parent diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia will have additional care needs, which you can learn more about by reading this blog and downloading this comprehensive PDF guide.

Assemble a care team

Many hands make light work. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from family, neighbors, clergy or care professionals.

• Find a role for everyone – Everyone can play a meaningful and helpful part in caring for an older adult. Even a simple phone call to keep loneliness at bay can make a big impact. Neighbors and relatives may be able to assist with transportation or accompany your parent to doctor appointments. Those who live farther away may be able to contribute financially or help research and gather useful information.
• Designate a leader – A leader isn’t someone who is ultimately responsible or in charge of making executive decisions. Instead, the care team leader should task themselves with making sure issues get addressed in a timely manner, ensuring there are no gaps in care, anticipating future needs that may arise and keeping the care team on the same page.
• Consider a mediator – Even when people have the best intentions, it can be hard to agree on the often emotionally charged decisions that need to be made when providing care for a senior parent. Family dynamics come into play, and personalities may clash. An unbiased, third-party mediator can help iron things out so everyone can focus on what’s really important: making sure your loved one gets the care they need.

Develop a clear care plan

When expectations and responsibilities aren’t conveyed directly, things often slip through the cracks. Everyone involved in caring for an aging parent needs to know what their role is and how that role fits into the larger care plan.

• Delegate to others – Caring for an aging or ailing parent is a big task; no one should feel they have to shoulder it alone, especially first-time caregivers. Seek the support of siblings and divvy up tasks among the care team according to their proximity and abilities.
• Be honest with yourself – Ask yourself what you are truly able and willing to do or contribute to a loved one’s care and ask others to do the same. Taking on more than you can handle can lead to stress and fatigue, so consider seeking outside support.
• Put it in writing – Write up a summary of care needs and persons assigned to meet them. This may change as life circumstances evolve, perhaps with a cross-country move or the birth of a child, but having something in writing will make it easy to keep track of who is doing what–and to reconfigure responsibilities if and when that becomes necessary.
• Facilitate communication – Use technology to your advantage. Consider a group chat, dedicated email chain or even a Facebook family group to keep everyone in the loop.
• Care for your loved one

Once you’ve educated yourself, created a care team and outlined a clear care plan, you’ll be best prepared to provide care for your aging parent.

• Keep them safe – First and foremost, you need to ensure your senior parent is safe, especially if they are aging in place. That could look like accessibility modifications to the home, incorporating an emergency alert system, providing transportation or arranging for daily wellness check visits.
• Be an advocate – Attend doctor’s appointments with your parent and ask questions. Medical terminology can be daunting, and information overload is real. Gaps in care or poor information sharing between providers can also be roadblocks to care; having an informed advocate will make sure all the moving parts work together.
• Seek out training – As a first-time caregiver, you will be asked to perform duties you may have never encountered before. Don’t be afraid to seek out training on how to do things like dress a wound and administer medication or how to use specialized medical equipment.
• Stay organized – This is great advice for any undertaking, but it is especially important for first-time caregivers. Keep records of doctors, healthcare providers and medications, as well as information on insurance policies, government assistance programs and other pertinent details handy.

Care for yourself

You are important, too. It’s vitally important that you make sure your needs are met, so that you can best help care for your aging parent.

• Understand the total cost – Becoming a caregiver is more than a financial commitment. Understand that it will also require time and emotional investment. Be realistic with yourself about how multiple facets of your life may need to be adjusted.
• Work with your employer – If possible, ask your employer if they can accommodate a more flexible schedule that would allow you to provide care.
• Be compassionate with yourself – Remember: you are only human. Treat yourself with kindness and consider finding a support group for caregivers, either online or in your area.
• Arrange for respite care – Respite care is short-term care that can be arranged for an afternoon or several days to provide relief for caregivers. Providing care to an aging parent can be demanding, and respite care workers are there to help.
• Make time for yourself – Helping others can be very demanding, both physically and emotionally. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating well and exercising. If things become overwhelming, consider talking to a therapist
• Care that fosters confidence

At Atria Senior Living, we believe care is an important, yet discreet, part of life that empowers older adults to stay active, grow and engage in what brings purpose and joy. We offer tiered care for older adults ranging from assistance with medication and personal grooming to round-the-clock memory care – learn more here.

We’re always here to help

As a leader in the industry, Atria Senior Living is happy to share our expertise and offer any support we can – even if the support you need is from someone other than us. We can call on our trusted relationships with other senior living organizations and resources to put you in touch with the best solution for you and your family. Feel free to reach out to your local Atria Community Director today.

Our Guide for First Time Caregivers (PDF)

The relationship between children and their parents is one that is very complex and continues to evolve over time. While there can be bumps along the way, most family issues are usually resolved without lasting emotional trauma and can create even deeper bonds. However, even the strongest relationships can be put to the test when adult children are faced with confronting a parent who refuses any help they might need due to their age or physical condition.

It’s certainly not easy dealing with aging parents in denial and unwilling to speak about or admit their increasing need for assistance. If you’ve ever been stressed over this situation, you’re not alone. According to a Penn State University research study, a whopping 77% of adult children believe their parents are reluctant to take their advice or refuse help with daily tasks.

Here’s the good news – there are some simple things you can do that make having these types of discussions with a parent go more smoothly. But first, let’s review some of the more common signs that indicate your parents need help.

Signs your aging parents may not be able to live safely on their own

Living with chronic pain, the loss of close friends, financial issues and the simple act of getting older are factors that can contribute to your parents becoming more irritable, irrational or demanding. But there are some clear indicators that reveal if they may be jeopardizing their health and safety by living alone.

• Weight loss – Weight can drop dramatically when one is not eating well. Older adults are often more susceptible as they may have issues getting to the grocery store or simply don’t have the desire or energy to prep, cook and clean up – cooking for one can be very difficult, especially after the loss of a spouse. Such conditions can quickly lead to poor eating habits and malnutrition, which in turn weakens the immune system and increases the risk of developing other health concerns. Check their cupboards and refrigerator to see if they are stocked with nutritional food. If you notice a parent has lost significant weight, consider working with a nutritionist, helping your parent with grocery shopping and meal prep, or hiring a prepackaged meal delivery service.
• Poor hygiene – Forgetting to shower, neglecting grooming habits, wearing dirty clothes and avoiding other personal hygiene are often signs that a parent is struggling with cognitive decline, loneliness or depression. Checking in with daily calls, making a laundry schedule and planning events outside the home are all ways you can help. There are also homecare services that can help with daily grooming, toileting and light housekeeping.
• Messy home – A cluttered home poses safety risks and can even lead to health issues. Also check their mail – are there stacks of unpaid bills lying around? This could be a sign that cognitive decline is setting in. If this is a concern, elder-proof their home and consider hiring a cleaning service to check in on your parent and tidy up once a week.
• Vehicle damage – Give your parent’s car the once-over. If you notice new scratches or dents, this could be a sign of failing eyesight or delayed reflexes. It may be time to reassess if it’s safe for them to continue driving and, if it’s not, contact family and friends to make a weekly schedule based on who is able to help.
• Jokes about getting lost – We all have our “got lost” stories, but if your parent repeatedly says they’ve had trouble finding their car in a parking lot or get disoriented while walking along familiar routes, this might indicate something more serious. Their laughing off such incidents may be a defense mechanism or simply denial. Talk to your parent about being evaluated by a medical professional who can diagnose and treat cognitive health issues.
• Low energy – While most everyone slows down as they age, a sudden or severe lack of energy could be a warning sign. If your parent appears run down or frequently complains they are tired and have no energy to do things, consider scheduling a doctor’s visit. Loneliness, depression, not taking routine medications properly or a newly acquired physical malady can contribute to exhaustion.
• More frequent falls – More than one out of four older adults fall each year, and it’s the leading cause of decline in the senior population’s health. There are many factors that can contribute to falling including lower body weakness, vision problems and vitamin deficiencies. As a serious fall can quickly turn an independent lifestyle to one that is immobile and requires extensive medical treatment, it pays to do a risk assessment. Clear your parent’s house of any unneeded clutter, tack down or remove any loose rugs, and encourage them to go for walks, attend an exercise class, maintain a healthy diet and get a good night’s sleep.
• A messy medicine cabinet – Are your parent’s medications in order or do you see a lot of bottles with lapsed expiration dates? Not taking medications regularly can obviously be detrimental to your parent’s health and can create a domino effect that results in more adverse physical and mental issues. Help organize their meds and set them up with a medication reminder – like digital smartphone apps – to help keep them on track. Make a list of all medications they are taking along with the correct dosages and keep this information handy so you can discuss it with their doctor.

If you detect one or more of these issues with your parent, set aside time to calmly discuss your concerns. Unless their safety is in immediate peril, rather than suggest any immediate action, it sometimes helps to let them think about what you’ve told them. Giving them time to process the information so that exploring next steps – such as a doctor visit or advice from objective experts – goes more smoothly.

How to help your parents accept care

When you begin to notice that your parent’s actions and behavior are a serious risk to their health and safety, here are some tips to help reduce any resistance, resentment and anxiety that may arise when you express your concerns and offer ways to help them.

• Have empathy – Be aware that your parent may be struggling with the physical, mental and emotional aspects of aging. Taking a moment to understand their mindset and being mindful of their feelings can help you better communicate your concerns. Your tone of voice, body language and the words you use to express yourself can make all the difference in having them accept your help.
• Respect their sense of agency – Understanding that your parent’s independence is important to them can help you identify the root causes of their behavior and help you determine the best way to make positive changes.

Ask these questions about your parent’s behavior:

• Are they acting this way out of habit?
• Is this behavior change recent?
• Has some incident triggered this change?
• Are they worried about losing their independence?
• Are they suffering from depression or anxiety?
• Are they confused or do they have dementia?
• What are some things they may be fearing?

Remember that the goal is to help your parent receive the best care possible. Even though it may feel like the parent-child relationship has flip-flopped, avoid infantilizing your parent – dealing with a stubborn parent is not the same as dealing with a stubborn child. You’re more likely to get cooperation when you approach them as adults, whether it be something as routine as medication reminders or more involved issues, such as diabetes treatment.

• Accept the situation – Despite your best intentions, you have to accept that your parent is an adult and entitled to make decisions about their own life and how much assistance or care they are willing to receive. Doing so can help reduce your stress, manage your expectations and improve your relationship with your aging parent.
• Choose your battles – Even though your intentions are good, repeatedly asking a parent to change their behavior can be quickly misconstrued as nagging. To avoid this issue, focus on the most pressing issues, making those that affect their health and safety a top priority. If there are several serious concerns, focus on one or two at a time so the parent doesn’t feel overwhelmed. Consider having a medical professional bring up your concerns with your parent as they may be more receptive to accepting advice from someone who isn’t their child.
• Explain how their behavior affects others – While it may be easy for your parent to disregard the consequences of their actions on themselves, they may be more sympathetic when you frame how they affect their loved ones. Gently explain the stress and anxieties that their refusing help causes you, or how an unhealthy habit, like smoking, poses the risk of second-hand smoke to their grandchildren.
• Don’t keep things bottled up – It’s easy to internalize all the stress that comes when dealing with an uncooperative parent, and the fear, frustration and anxiety can become overwhelming. Don’t take it on by yourself. Rely on family members – such as your spouse or siblings – as an outlet for you to share your feelings and ask them to have these same conversations with your parent. Finding activities and people you can confide in will help release any pent-up negative emotions.
• Give them something to look forward to – Whether it’s an anniversary, graduation, wedding or simply a family game night, making your parent part of a future event may encourage them to take positive actions, like bathing, grooming and dressing up for the occasion. It may also motivate them to more willingly accept any needed care or assistance you suggest. Send them gentle reminders of the special date, talk about it frequently, put it on their calendar – anticipating an upcoming event can often brighten someone’s day as much as the event itself.

When you’ve tried everything, but your parent still refuses help

You’ve been proactive about creating a long-term care plan. You’ve patiently listened to your parent’s needs. You’ve sought the advice of family, friends and healthcare professionals. You’ve had open conversations that come from a place of love and caring. You’ve done all this, and your parent still refuses your help.

Sometimes even doing everything in your power may not be enough to convince your parent to take your advice and accept the care or help they may need. If your parent is unwilling to address the reality of their situation, accept that things are out of your hands and hope the seeds you’ve planted will sprout with a little more time. While this can feel like a huge setback, don’t give up hope. Keep communication open, keep expressing your love and concern, and stay open to any compromise your parent may suggest that puts them closer to the care they need.

Talking to others may also help ease your stress and explore different options. You may consider a support group, a senior living provider, talking to a director at a local senior living community or reading information that could make future discussions with your parent go more smoothly.

Our Guide on What to Do When an Elderly Parent Refuses Help (PDF)

Caregiving comes with complex emotions and experiences. As an adult child, you are proud. Caring for your aging parent while they remain in their own home – or living in your home – has given you a sense of meaning and purpose. However, you may feel isolated, stressed and tired. You’re worried about letting your parent down and fearful about your parent’s health and happiness as their needs continue to grow.

Additionally, you may have lost your sense of self and your parent-child relationship in the role of caregiving. You may be noticing how much of your time and energy has been consumed with caregiving. Now, there is little time for the things you once enjoyed, like hobbies, activities and time with your own family. You may not be sure how to regain control of your life.

While caregiving can be a rewarding experience that can strengthen the bond between you and your family, it can also be a stressful situation to navigate. Caregiver burnout, or caregiver stress syndrome, can happen quickly if you do not monitor your own well-being. Being informed of symptoms is important for both a caregiver and the person they’re caring for.

“Caregiver education provides an understanding of what is happening and what to expect,” said Nancy Hendley-Branscomb, Dementia Care Trainer at CaringKind. “It seems to ease burnout and can lessen the burden.”

Caregiver burnout symptoms include:

• Feeling sad or depressed
• Feeling worried or anxious
• Increased irritability
• Feelings of resentment
• Difficulty sleeping
• Feeling isolated or lonely
• Chronic headaches or bodily pain

No matter if you’re new to caregiving or have been providing care to your aging parent for years, it’s never too early or too late to implement practices to minimize caregiver fatigue. As you take better care of yourself, you will find you are able to better care for your parent and those who depend on you.

10 effective ways to manage caregiver stress

 

1. Establish boundaries
2. Accept your limitations
3. Ask for help – and take it
4. Get organized
5. Research senior care and plan ahead
6. Take advantage of respite care
7. Make time and space for yourself
8. Take a vacation or FMLA
9. Celebrate small wins
10. Seek support and talk to someone who understands

Establish boundaries

For many, this is easier said than done. No one wants to say no to someone they love and respect, especially when that person has done so much for you. However, boundaries are imperative to protecting yourself and stabilizing your relationship. Boundaries can also help you honor yourself while mitigating feelings of resentment and emotional bankruptcy. It’s okay to say no to things that would put your emotional, mental and physical well-being at risk.

Accept your limitations

More often than not, caregiving for an aging parent lands on one child. As much as you may try, you cannot do everything – and attempting to do so is a one-way ticket to caregiver burnout. Discuss with your parent what you can and can’t do. Be honest and realistic about what is possible while still honoring your boundaries and maintaining a healthy relationship with your parent. Do what you’re able to do and remember to show yourself grace for what you cannot do.

Ask for help – and take it

Half the challenge of managing caregiver stress is finding help. The other half is accepting it. A recent study reported that one out of five caregivers of older adults feels alone. It’s okay to feel isolated in your role as a caregiver, but chances are you have more support than you realize. Sit down and speak with your family about the stress you’re experiencing while caregiving and ask if they can lend a helping hand. Also, look to your community for services designed to assist while you take care of your parent.

Get organized

Disorganization will exacerbate caregiver stress. Getting things in order will help you realize what is possible, actualize goals and keep roles clearly defined if others are helping you or if your parent handles some aspects of their life independently. Approach caring for your aging parent in a methodical way by making lists and a separate calendar for your parent’s needs. This will help you remember appointments and meetings, as well as establishing and keeping track of caregiving goals.

Another helpful tip is to keep important documents, forms and contact information in a secure, easily accessible place. If your parent has multiple doctors, keep a notebook dedicated to their appointments so you can write down information from their physicians.

Research senior care and plan ahead

If you haven’t done so already, research what senior care options are available to you, even if you aren’t ready to utilize those resources. For example, what are your best options for assisted living communities? Which hospital would you request your parent be transported to if there was an accident? What would your parent want if they were no longer able to make decisions about their well-being?

Do your future self a favor by getting ahead of difficult conversations around the what-ifs. Know your parent’s wishes and understand your options around them. Broach the conversation of advance directives with your parent and family. Having plans in place in case of an accident or mishap will reduce your stress and anxiety.

Take advantage of respite care

Respite care is designed to provide short-term assistance to caregivers. It allows you to take a break from the demands of caregiving without having to make a long-term decision about someone else caring for your parent or family member. Look to an assisted living community in your area to provide short-term assistance.

Many families and older adults are introduced to assisted living communities through a short-term stay. And, because older adults enjoy the events, amenities and opportunities to connect with others – and families enjoy the peace of mind they experience – short-term stays often transition to a move into the community.

Make time and space for yourself

Contrary to what you may think, putting all of your excess time and energy into helping your parent is not good for either of you. As the old saying goes, “You cannot pour from an empty cup.” Nearly a quarter of Americans say caregiving has made their health worse. On average, most caregivers provide about 22.3 hours of care per week to their parent or family member. Of course, those hours increase if your parent lives with you. Be intentional about addressing and taking care of your needs so you do not put your own physical and mental health at risk.

Eat well. Stay active. Dive back into hobbies and things that bring you joy. Make time to reconnect with your children, friends or spouse. Taking time for yourself may feel strange at first, and you may even have some guilt about it. It is common to lose your sense of self while caregiving, but getting back to familiar and gratifying activities is a step in the right direction to reconnect to the best version of yourself.

Take a vacation or FMLA

If you are juggling caregiving and a career, you are not alone. In fact, 61 percent of caregivers in the United States work full time. More people are taking paid time off than ever before to help manage caregiver stress while working. If you have accrued vacation hours or sick days, take that time to focus on yourself. If your employer offers FMLA, talk to your HR department about how to use this benefit.

Celebrate small wins

When managing caregiver stress, the goal is progress, not perfection. A small win could look like taking a day to yourself, firmly establishing a boundary or enjoying a dinner with your spouse or closest friends. Pat yourself on the back for each successful attempt at making time to care for yourself while caring for others.

Seek support and talk to someone who understands

The stress of caring for an aging parent can be overwhelming, especially when you feel as if you had no choice in the matter. Sometimes, simply talking about caregiving burnout to a family member or friend will temporarily help you feel better, but it does little to address larger problems. If you find yourself exhibiting signs of high stress while caring for your parent, consider counseling or support groups in your area.

“The value of support groups cannot be overestimated,” said Hendley-Branscomb.

Professional therapy, as well as conversing with those who can truly empathize with and understand your current situation, can guide you to helpful resolutions. They can help you establish boundaries, understand the emotions you may be feeling and develop personalized ways to deal with the stress of caring for an aging parent. These services could also help you facilitate more productive conversations with your parent and other family members.

You may have begun to notice concerning changes in your parent during their aging process. Have they become more forgetful? Are they withdrawing from hobbies they used to enjoy and the people they love? Maybe you’re concerned about their safety in the home.

You may not feel ready for them to make the move to senior living, yet leaving your parent to manage on their own isn’t an option. So you ask yourself, “How do I take care of my aging parent?”

Here is wise advice: Slow down and take things one step at a time. Know that you are not alone in this. Focus on what you can handle. This guide can help you transform the looming obstacle of caregiving into a practical, realistic plan.

Quick guide: Caring for an elderly parent

 

• Talk about care with your parent
• Make their home safe
• Assess medical needs
• Address cognitive health
• Learn how to help with daily tasks
• Encourage engagement and connection
• Handling money matters
• Access additional resources available to caregivers

Talk about care with your parent

Before you do anything, it’s important to sit down and talk with your parent. Position yourself as a partner, not an authority. Transitioning from their child to a caregiver role can be complicated for everyone. Be patient with yourself and your parent.

Be tactful and considerate, but clear and direct. Sometimes well-intended help can be perceived as condescending and spurs resistance. Be prepared to have multiple conversations.

Make sure to talk to siblings about your parent’s care from the beginning, so no one feels left out. The sooner you start the conversation with your parent and family, the easier it will be for all involved to make decisions about Mom’s or Dad’s well-being, especially if their needs become challenging.

Most important, know your parent’s wishes before assuming the role of caregiver. They may prefer not to have a family member look after them, so understanding their expectations up front is beneficial for everyone.

Make their home safe

A safe living environment is paramount, especially as your parent ages. Each year, more than one out of four older adults fall, but less than half report that fall to their doctor. Look for tripping hazards such as area rugs, cluttered hallways, door thresholds, cracks in the driveway, loose steps, electrical cords and ottomans.

Place easily accessible seating around the home. For example, a bench near the door to sit upon while removing shoes or a stool in the bedroom to make it easier to get dressed can be helpful.

While modifying the house for greater and safer mobility, consider installing grab bars in the tub or shower and around the toilet, and placing nonslip mats in the bathroom and kitchen. Other options that can make your parent’s day-to-day safer are assistive devices – such as a cane, walker, wheelchair or scooter – and physical and/or occupational therapy.

Technology has never been more accessible or easier to use than it is today. Consider a medical alert device with a push-button to call for emergency assistance. Smart home devices are also a great way to automate medication reminders and make phone calls, and many can connect to home security systems.

Assess medical needs

Your parent may need help keeping up with doctors’ appointments, traveling to the doctor, remembering to prepare for home health visits or navigating technology for telehealth appointments. Some of these tasks your parent can handle alone, but other duties might require assistance.

You may find it helpful to have the following things handy: a list of your parent’s medications and dosages, a copy of their insurance documents and, if applicable, copies of their veteran ID card and healthcare proxy.

Work with your parent to see what is realistic and delegate other tasks if necessary. They may be able to manage their daily medications just fine, but need reminders about appointments and transportation to doctors’ offices.

In the event your parent is recovering from a hospital stay, it’s important to consider home care services while transitioning back to life at home. These services can also help avoid a return visit to the hospital.

Address cognitive health

Forgetfulness may be a common sign of aging. Missing an appointment or making one questionable decision isn’t cause for immediate alarm, but it may be an indicator that your parent needs a little assistance.

“We all forget things from time to time. It can be a result of stress, anxiety and normal aging,” said Eleonora Tornatore-Mikesh, President and CEO of CaringKind. “These things become more of a concern if they occur frequently and impact a person’s day-to-day functioning.”

There are various ways you can help improve your parent’s cognitive health. Walking and other low-impact exercises are great options to get blood flowing to the brain. Learning a new skill or engaging in games like word puzzles and Sudoku can also help. And, don’t underestimate the importance of a good night’s rest and a balanced diet – foods that are good for the heart are good for the brain.

If your parent’s forgetfulness is posing a risk to their safety – for example, forgetting to turn off the stove or being confused about their surroundings – intervention is necessary.

“If you notice these signs, do what you can to have your parent evaluated by a neurologist who specializes in memory disorders,” Tornatore-Mikesh said. “While Alzheimer’s is the most common form of irreversible dementia, there are many other causes of dementia, some of which are reversible.”

Depending on what you learn during the evaluation, you may want to consider hiring in-home care or looking into a senior living community that offers memory care.

Learn how to help with daily tasks

When you get involved with your parent’s day-to-day routine, you will get a feel for their ability to take care of themselves independently. In the world of senior living, this is referred to as activities of daily living, which include but are not limited to:

• Medication assistance
• Personal grooming assistance, such as bathing and getting dressed
• Meal reminders
• Escorts to and from meals and events
• Incontinence management

Have an honest conversation with your parent about their ability to do these things successfully. Some tasks may require modifications. For example, placing a shower chair in the tub can make bathing easier. Encourage your parent to keep a simple wardrobe and use dressing aids, like a shoehorn, sock aid, button hook fastener or a reach extender to help grab things. These tools can eliminate frustration and build confidence.

When assisting with daily tasks, allow your parent to do as much as possible with you by their side. Only intervene when needed or asked.

Encourage engagement and connection

Staying active and connected is vital to one’s well-being – no matter your age – and it’s especially important for older adults, who often can become isolated and lonely. In fact, research shows that adults 65 years and older spend more than 25 percent of their day watching television.

“Socialization and staying active are very important,” said Tornatore-Mikesh. “Being active and participating in social settings enables the person to use parts of the brain they would not use otherwise.”

When possible, monitor your parent’s behavior. Find an activity that you know brings them joy and engage them. If you happen to live far away, call regularly and encourage family and friends to do the same. Consider programs and centers designed specifically for older adults to keep your parent active and socially engaged during the day.

Handling money matters

Unless you have been designated as a power of attorney, decisions regarding finances are still up to your parent. They may want to maintain complete autonomy over their finances. When appropriate – and if necessary – broach the conversation tactfully and delicately.

Fortunately, you do not have to be power of attorney to partner with your parent about staying abreast of accounts, paying monthly bills and managing financial obligations.

Another important aspect of caring for your parents as they grow older is financially preparing for the cost of in-home care. Modifying the home for safety, paying for in-home assistance and purchasing appropriate assistive equipment like a stairlift adds up. Comparing these costs to those associated with a move to an assisted living community is also a key consideration.

Discuss these things with your parent, along with if they have long-term care insurance, to get an accurate idea of their financial state. Your parent may be eligible for government programs, such as Medicaid, veterans benefits and other resources to help with the cost of care.

Access additional resources available to caregivers

Caring for an aging parent – or making decisions about a parent’s care – can be overwhelming. As an aging adult’s physical and cognitive abilities change, so does the level of assistance they require. Be aware of caregiver burnout and know that you don’t have to do everything by yourself. There may be resources and avenues available when you need additional help or even a break for several days.

Start your senior care research early and initiate conversations with your parent and family. Being proactive instead of reactive is key to setting everyone up for success. Don’t wait for a mishap or incident like a fall or sudden onset of illness. As your family considers options, it’s important that everyone has a clear vision of what success looks like. The ideal solution will benefit your parent’s health and well-being while maintaining harmony and balance for the entire family.

Our Guide on How to Care for an Elderly Parent (PDF)

Respite is a short-term care option for older adults who want to try out senior living full-time, give their caregivers time off or need a place to recover after a surgery. Read on for some of the benefits that respite can provide as the holiday season approaches.

What’s included in respite?

Before we launch into all the reasons respite might be a good option for older adults, let’s delve into some of the services that respite providers typically offer.

A fully furnished apartment

Choosing respite means that older adults only have to bring clothes or other personal items – all the furniture and accommodations are already set up for them.

Engagement

Senior living communities provide a space for older adults to stay connected with one another, with their families and with staff.

Assistance with activities of daily living

Trained staff members assist with eating, bathing, dressing, medication management and other essential tasks that must be completed every day.

Dining experiences

Culinary teams prepare dishes – or incorporate doctor-recommended foods into meals – up to three times a day. Some senior living providers also offer table service with locally sourced ingredients.

All these services might be performed in a senior living community, among other places. If you’re noticing that daily tasks are becoming more difficult for your parent, consider talking to a senior living community to see whether they offer short-term stay options. If they do, trying a short-term stay may be a great way to explore the start of your family’s next chapter.

Prevent the spread of flu and cold

An added benefit of respite during winter is that it can minimize the transmission of the flu and common cold. If a family member who is acting as a caregiver comes down with a fever but still has to bathe or cook for an older adult, that older adult may catch the caregiver’s virus – which can be a serious health concern for seniors. A respite worker in a senior living community who is flu-free, however, could perform the same functions while reducing the chances of spreading illnesses. Additionally, respite workers in a senior living community may set up vaccination clinics, which can help curb the prevalence of any viruses in that community.

Ward off those winter blues

All the evenings spent indoors during the winter can make anyone feel isolated and melancholic. A case of the winter blues is distressing enough, but for people living with dementia, those symptoms can manifest in a condition called “sundown syndrome.” As many as 20% of individuals with Alzheimer’s have sundown syndrome, which may lead to anxiety, mood swings and delusions. Luckily, a professional at a senior living community can help older adults keep active and engaged with other residents – which can provide immense health and cognitive benefits.

Care for the caregivers

Caregivers often fulfill their roles out of deep-rooted love and fidelity, but – like everyone else – they need time off to recharge and reset. Respite can help caregivers spend time with other friends and family, catch up on sleep, go to appointments with their doctors or vacation in a warm climate during the winter to restore their energy.

Choose Atria this winter

The abundant activities and delicious culinary options available in Atria communities make them delightful places to call home year-round. But over the next few months, consider looking into our short-term stay options where guests enjoy a sampling of resident life. The accommodations include weekly linen services, private apartments with alert systems, a vibrant social calendar, transportation to and from appointments and chef-prepared meals in the dining room or with room service. Stay as long as you’d like – and enjoy the warm ambience of Atria this winter.